Are You Making Things Harder Than They Really Are?

You wake up to the incessant buzzing of your alarm clock which is set all too early for a Friday. Peeking outside you notice how beautiful the day is already looking - the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and there is not a cloud in sight. And you're miserable. You've got a million things to do at work (hence the early morning alarm) and they are all due today. You can feel the stress building inside you already and you're not even out of bed yet! It's going to be a tough day…

If this sounds all too familiar then I am willing to bet that you often feel like you have too much to do and not enough time to do it in, and I am also willing to bet that you are wrong. You have plenty of time but you are just making things harder than they really are.

Making Things Harder Than They Are

This is something us humans love to do. We love to make things harder than they actually are, for any number of pseudo-psychological reasons, and it can be a very difficulty habit to break out of.

It is hard to break because the symptoms are not always obvious.There are dozens of little actions that we do every day that purposefully make our lives more difficult and often they are so small, or so ingrained in us, that we don't even notice them.

Of course this means that we just assume things are hard and we have to deal with it, when the reality is much different. The reality is that things are generally simple and we choose to make them harder.

It is not always obvious that we are doing this. Like many things, being at the centre of the problem actually makes it harder to identify it.

When we are slap-bang in the middle of a stressful and difficult time our mind is focused on finding solutions to the problems, not on questioning why the problems exist. But that is exactly what I am encouraging you to do.

Why We Make Things Harder

Whenever you are faced with a difficult situation that is causing you stress, stop and ask yourself if you contributed to it. Did you somehow make this situation harder? If you want to play the victim and pretend that all this bad stuff just happens to you then stop reading now. You wont be willing to change anyway.

We all make things harder for ourselves at different times in our life, and some people more-so than others. But why do we do it at all? Why would we purposefully choose to make something harder than it needs to be?

Making Excuses

The most obvious reason is that it gives us an out. It provides us with an excuse for mistakes, or sub-par performances, and allows us to exaggerate any successes. We create a fictitious win-win situation where we feel excused if we do bad and feel praised when we do well. But this is bullshit.

When we make things harder we only make it harder within our own frame of reference meaning that, for most of the time, other people do not see the added difficulty we create. They see the problem in the original, simplified manner which means they wont be likely to accept the excuse or find you deserving of praise.

How many times have you had a task sit in your inbox, or on your to-do list, for weeks only for you to get stuck into it in the last few days before the deadline? You end up going a little crazy as you try to cram weeks of work into a few days and somehow you manage to get it all done and you feel like you've worked your butt off to do it. You may have too, but in the eyes of your boss, or your client, or whoever was waiting for that task, all you have done is finish the task in the allotted time. Nothing special there. But if you had missed that deadline they would have been very unhappy. You had weeks to do it and you still couldn't manage!

Making things difficult to have an excuse doesn't help anyone and is just plain wrong.

Thriving on Drama

The next biggest reason why we make things harder for ourselves is that we naturally thrive on the drama. When we are immersed into a stressful situation our body produces chemicals and hormones that amp us up to perform at abnormal levels.

This is known as our fight-or-flight mechanism and in previous centuries it was very useful. It was built into our bodies to enable us to be ready to take instant action whenever we were in mortal peril. But our modern lifestyle rarely has a need for this mechanism so we create excess stress in our life as a cheat. A cheat which is not doing anyone any favours.

The energy we generate in fight-or-flight mode is designed for very short bursts. It is literally used to escape danger by fighting it or fleeing from it. These are not long-term activities.

When we use this as our main source of energy just to "get things done" we force our body to run on this intense energy for periods much longer than it expects to. Our body is not designed to do this and the result is any number of negative consequences - physical and mental burn-out, tiredness, inability to focus afterwards, headaches, and so on.

Picture a time that you worked under an immense stress (legitimate or manufactured) for longer than a few days. Do you remember how you felt afterwards? Most people cannot keep it up for long before they crash, and the bad news is that the longer you over-use this fight-or-flight mechanism the bigger the crash will be.

Avoidance

Avoidance is the next most obvious reason we subconsciously make things harder than they need to be and this ties in closely to making excuses. If we make things so hard and complex that we are constantly busy then we can feel a little bit better that we didn't get those crappy tasks done.

It's the perfect excuse for not cutting the grass, not calling the phone company, and not joining that nudist colony.

In reality it is not an excuse at all. It's just poor time management.

The worst form of avoidance though is not the small and boring tasks but the big and important ones. Being "too busy" has become the excuse of choice for those not willing to take a chance and pursue their dreams. These people manufacture a life where they are constantly busy, working hard, and feeling stressed, so they have the perfect excuse for not achieving their dreams. This stems from a fear of failure and a fear of success and neither are valid things to fear.

Avoidance is never the right option.

Making Your Life Easier Instead

The key to changing this behaviour is to become more aware of your actions, your motives, and your choices. Start by analysing your actions to identify when you are subconsciously making your life harder than it needs to be. Once you recognise that you are doing it you can start to change it.

Making the change comes from attacking the root cause of the problem. Think about why you are creating more difficulty than is required. Are you making excuses or avoiding something? Do you just love the pressure of an impending deadline? Or is there some other hidden reason?

Once you figure out the reason behind your actions you can begin to implement changes - use a daily to-do list to stop you from procrastinating, halve all your deadlines so you don't have time to waste, or run away and join the circus.

The choice is yours but don't waste your life pretending to busy.

Image: Michal Marcol

Listen To Your Body

It was a week before my trip to Europe for my brother's wedding and I was sitting in the doctor's room waiting for the verdict - I had noticed this strange intermittent burning pain in my abdomen for the past two weeks and I was beginning to get worried. But I was not prepared for what he said next: "There is nothing physiologically wrong with you. I think it's just stress."

I am a firm believer that many ailments and illnesses are manifestations of our stress and inner thought processes so the concept of stress being a cause for illness was not new. But was it possible for me? I hadn't been stressed for years!

Over the course of my life I have bounced between both ends of the spectrum of stress. I was a happy-go-lucky type kid who loved to be loud and have a good time. But I also put a lot pressure on myself. I expected great things of myself and often set absurd goals that I would then stress over.

This pattern continued for much of my life - a strange mix of being relaxed and confident in one situation and then stressed and over-the-top in the next - until I began my personal development journey in 2007. During this time I sorted a lot of my issues out and I became proud of who I was and what I could achieve. I stopped putting pressure on myself and just started enjoying life. I was happy.

So to be told by a doctor I was stressed was a big slap in the face.

A Lesson From Paleo: Pay Attention To Your Food

Looking back, I accepted the doctor's story of stress because it was easy. I was working in a very negative environment and I was organising my first overseas trip so it was easy to just say that I was stressed and maybe I was. But one thing that living a paleo lifestyle has helped me realise is that I need to listen to my own body and pay attention to what I am doing to it, both mentally and physically.

A perfect example occurred last Friday. Sophie and I decided to have a non-paleo dinner (that's right, I've managed to convince Sophie to go paleo too!) with some modern treats that we used to enjoy. We ate crumbed chicken breast with salad and finished with an after-dinner snack of some very smooth white chocolate. It was nice, if not a little sweet for my paleo-modified tastebuds. But then the headache came.

It happened two hours after dinner - a headache started slowly pounding behind my eyes and I immediately regretted the dinner had eaten. I do not get headaches very often but even so, in the past I would have shrugged it off as a just a random occurrence and continued on my merry way. Not anymore!

It wasn't a big leap to draw the conclusion that it was that sudden spike in carbs (mostly highly processed sugars) that had caused the headache but it was a big step forward for me.

My mind is now focused on everything I do to my body and is attuned to monitor the effects and adjust. This is something I have never done before and I like it.I never used to link my actions to what occurred in my body before, instead I generally accepted that things "just happened" in my body.

Migraines, eczema, stomach cramps, and asthma to name a few - I used to see these things as what I had to put up with, like these were failings of the body I was given for this life and there was nothing I could do about it. I was wrong.

Maybe some of the ailments in my life will always be there or perhaps I am predisposed to suffer things like asthma, or get a migraine once a year, or live with this poor excuse for red hair for the rest of my life. Maybe. But I now believe that I have a lot more control over these things than I ever used to.

Your Mental Diet Is Just As Important

It is not just the food we eat that can change our bodies, but our thoughts can too. Just like having a crap-laden meal of processed junk-food will leave your body feeling terrible so will a mental diet of negative thoughts, stress, and anxiety. These are negative energy sources and they are the equivalent of fast-food for our brain. They provide a short-term energy burst but have long-term negative side-effects.

Living a healthy and happy life requires a combination of eating well (I'm recommending paleo if you can't tell) and thinking well. The latter is often harder to achieve which is why I write so much about it.

Changing your thought pattern from negative to positive requires a lot of effort, self-awareness, and dedication but it can be done.

The good news is that once you start looking to make these positive changes then your will find that it snowballs from there. The first change is the hardest, but once you start you will find that momentum is on your side and things become easier. It's just a matter of taking those first few difficult steps.

For those looking to make any healthy change (diet, mental, or other) in in their life I recommend paying close attention to your actions, observing what you feed on (both physically and metaphorically), and listening to your body. Remember, it is never just doing something randomly - it is always responding to something you have already done.

Image: Suat Eman

How to Visualise Success

I have written a few articles so far about how the brain works, how it tricks us, and how to use this to apply basic Positive Happiness thought principles to our lives. One of the key thought techniques commonly used by successful people is a form of mental rehearsal called visualisation. So it only makes sense for me to discuss how visualisation works and show you how to maximise the effectiveness of your positive visualisations. As mentioned in several previous articles, our brain is fantastic at performing tasks automatically. Anything that it deems as an easily repeatable task gets put onto "auto-pilot", including our thoughts.

This can cause some unwanted problems at times but it can also be used to our advantage to automate positive thought processes. We can essentially train our brain to automatically think and perform positive actions for us. Sounds great? well it is, and you can do it too with these simple tips for getting the most out of your visualisations.

What are visualisations?

Visualisations are just a form of mental rehearsal where we imagine how a certain situation will look and feel. We might imagine what people say, how they look, what actions we take, and so on. The point of visualisation is to mentally prepare ourselves so that we are confident and capable of handling the upcoming scenario. When we picture success enough we find success.

This is why we are focusing on positive visualisations. If you are going for a job interview you want to develop a visualisation where you are confident, smart, friendly, and you ace the interview. Or if you are playing an important sporting match you want to visualise yourself excelling physically and mentally and being victorious. Practice these visualisations enough and the positive results will start to occur.

Make visualisations intense

The more intense or realistic you can make your visualisations the more effective they will be. This is the main reason why some sportspeople thrive in pressure situations and others fail. They have all learned the basic skills and practiced them thousands of times, but only those who make the practice as realistic as possible (both mentally and physically) will succeed when under pressure.

Start Small

Just like learning to drive you need to break down overly complex actions and thoughts so that you can practice and visualise success at each step. Start by breaking your overall goal into smaller tasks that you can visualise success for. Perfect each individual visualisation before bringing them all together.

Practice, practice, practice

Practice all the possibilities that could arise and visualise how you would deal with them and succeed. Then do it all again. If it only takes the brain a few times to start automating a thought process do not give it a chance to think of anything but success. Keep repeating the positive visualiation until the brain has it on speed dial.

Every detail counts

Create a clear and detailed picture of the scenario in your mind. Include all the details you can think of - colours, fabrics, smells, weather, people. Adding these details will help your brain recognise the scenario when it occurs in real life and thus be able to apply the correct visualisation.

Experience the emotions

When you first begin a visualisation you may feel some fear or stress. Acknowledge that those feelings are fine because they are why you need to practice visualisation in the first place. As you get into the swing of things start focusing your mind on what emotions would be triggered as you see your success unfolding. What would the success feel like? How much would it mean to you to have that success? Start experiencing those positive emotions as if you had already been successful. Eventually your mind will expect those feelings whenever the situation presents itself.

Eventually if you perform positive visualisation enough then just by thinking about the situation you will trigger positive and successful thoughts patterns. You wont even have to remember to do it. And when that situation does finally present itself your brain will do it all automatically and you will naturally expect success because that is what you trained for.

Visualise success and the rest will follow.

Image: graur codrin

Proof Your Brain Is Tricking You

Our brain tricks us into believing whatever it wants us to believe. I have previously mentioned some fatal flaws of the brain but perhaps its biggest flaw the brain has is that when presented incomplete information it will fill in the missing spots with whatever information it assumes to be correct. Once our brain has filled in the missing information it pretends that all the information was presented from the external source instead of being hacked together by our brain. This is a problem for a number of reasons: Firstly, our brain might not fill the gaps correctly. It fills the gap with a "best guess" approach using information it already has. If the missing data is something our brain has never seen before then it will be impossible for it to correctly fill the gap.

Secondly, by pretending the whole picture of information came from an external our brain will give more weight to it and thus will believe it to be true. This means that the data supplied from our brain (correct or otherwise) is assumed to be true even though it was fabricated just to fit the gap.

With that in mind I thought I would share an example that proves that our brains are masters of filling gaps with information and assuming it to be correct. The first time I did this little test I blew my mind.

Exercise: Proof by Optical Illusion

This little optical illusion exercise will prove just how easy it is for your brain to trick you. We often hear about blind spots in our vision, or when driving a car, but did you know that we have a blind spot right in front of our eyes? When we have both eyes we do not notice because they are positioned on our face in such a way to maximise our viewing potential. However we an discover the blind spot very simply and, at the same time, prove how our brain deceives us by assuming it is always right.

Step 1: Get a bank piece of paper (A4 size works best) with nothing on it. Draw a filled circle in the centre of the page about 1cm wide (that's 1/2 inch for those non-metric people).

Step 2: Close your left eye

Step 3: Chose a spot on the paper about 5cm (2 inches) to the left of that centre dot. Hold the paper up to your face with the chosen spot in front of your right eye. You should still be able to see the drawn circle in your peripheral vision but you should not be focusing on it.

Step 4: Slowly move the paper away from your face, all the while focusing on the spot you picked to the left of the drawn circle. Eventually that circle you draw will just disappear from your vision - it will look like you are holding a plain blank piece of paper again!

What is Going on Here?

Even though your brain controlled your hands to draw the circle, and even though you KNOW that the circle is there, your brain has filled in your blind spot with a "best guess". It analysed the rest of the information coming in, which was predominately blank paper, and chose to fill the gap with what it thought was most likely. But whatever is most likely is not necessarily correct.

The Blind Spot in Action - Our Self Belief

This proves that our brain is not always right. Just because it tells us something is true does not make it so. There are countless examples for how this applies to our lives but the biggest (and worst) is with out negative self beliefs. When we doubt ourselves, or speak negative of our skills and actions, or stop loving ourselves, then we are providing an incomplete picture of our self-image to our brain. We are giving it the opportunity to take all these negative thoughts and try to figure out the patten to fill in all the missing gaps.

The result is obvious - our brain deduces that the gaps must be filled with self loathing, anger, resentment, and a whole range of other negative emotions. It fills all the gaps in our self-image with these, and then presumes them all to be correct. We end up with a grossly exaggerated negative self-image which we assume is correct. Self-fulfilling prophecy anyone?

Luckily this also works for positivity. If you start providing an incomplete picture of positive thoughts about yourself to your brain then it will start filling the gaps with positive emotions. Your self-image will become one of happiness, love, and positivity. And because we already know that our brain tries to prove itself right it will start manifesting scenarios in your life that will reinforce this belief.

So stop assuming all your negative beliefs are true and start providing some positive information to your brain. Your life will change because of it.

Image: Danilo Rizzuti

Do What You Want To Be Doing

Early today I was facing a conundrum. I sat down to write another article about friendships, relationships and bringing positive people into your life, and I couldn't write it. Words made their way onto the screen but they were not right. It felt like I was forcing them out when usually they just flow out of me with ease. I thought maybe I just wasn't "on" today, or maybe I was having my first writers block? Then it dawned on me: I was not doing what I wanted to be doing. The concept sounds simple enough - do what you want to be doing - but not many people actually put it into practice. Today I was one of those people. I have a list of article ideas ready for write, and after a week of paleo-centric writing I felt that I should get back to the person development areas that I normally write for. The problem was that nasty s-word: should.

I did not actually want to write. Why? Because I have several other big projects on the go and some ideas floating around in my head that I really wanted to sink my teeth into. But, I had this nasty obligation-like feeling hanging around which ended up ruining my day. When I worked on my projects and ideas I had the feeling that I should be writing that article, but then when I started writing the article I really wanted to be back working on my other projects. In the end I was very unproductive and I wasted a lot of time. And you should know by now that I HATE wasting time.

So I've met in the middle. I'm writing this because it is helping me realise what is important to me and work through my personal issues with focus and concentration. The next time I find myself in this situation I will remember this article and what I learned from today so I do not make the same mistakes again. And the by-product is that I get the article to write (even though it is not the one I "should" be writing) and I get to move on to my other projects.

Should is Nasty Word

Should is evil. I hate the word. In my world I aim to live as if the word does not exist because it has no purpose other than to foster negative feelings, and that is not something I want in my life.

My main beef with "should" is that it is not valid in our individual context. Should is only valid to the third person perspective, and only then because it is valid based on all their past experience and knowledge, not ours.

If someone tells us what we should be doing it is the same as being told them telling us that what we are currently doing is wrong. Now there is no harm in being wrong, and a bit of constructive criticism is a wonderful thing in our personal development, but the problem is that when people use the word should, they are only providing their opinion. It is all based on what they think is the best thing at that time, and what is true for one person is not necessarily true for another. It is subjective and biased. Very biased.

Even when the "should" comes internally, from our wonderful brain, the bias is still there. Think of my example from today. I had tasks that I was excited about, that I really wanted to be working on but my brain kept kept telling me that I should write an article today. I had no proof to believe this - I had not received a specific request for an article today nor had I been receiving comments saying "less paleo, more personal development" but my brain, in all its wisdom and power, somehow concluded this was the right thing to do. And I've mentioned how the brain can make a hash of things like this before.

Solution: Turn Yoda

No I'm not saying you need to turn green, cultivate the hair in your ears, and master the light-saber. Although I'm sure that last skill would certainly impress the ladies.

To quote Yoda (and show my true geek): "Do, or do not. There is no try." Substitute the word "should" for "try" and this phrase explains all that is needed to get past the dreaded s-word.

If you want to do something then do it. If you do not want to do something then don't. It is a simple as that. Remember that it is often the simplest things that work best.

Challenge: Take a Personal Day

With that concept in mind I issue a challenge to my readers. Take a "personal day" off from your work and do something you have always wanted to do. Call in sick and run off to discover your passion. Go rock-climbing, paint a picture, read a book, whatever. Just make the day 100% about you. It is not about anyone else. Before you do anything in the day you must ask yourself "Is this what I really want to be doing?" and only continue if the answer is a resounding "YES!" Do not think ahead, do not worry about consequences, just get out there and do what you want to.

It is your life after all. Do what you want with it.

Image: federico stevanin

An Opinion is Never Wrong

I just had a wonderful long talk with my mum about all sorts of things (new businesses, innovation, paleo dieting, health, and relationships just to name a few) and towards the end she said something quite profound which resonated deeply with me: "An opinion is never wrong."

I could not have said it better myself.

What is an Opinion?

An opinion is just a belief, idea, or judgment a person has for a particular topic. They may have formed this through extensive experimentation, life experiences, research, or just because one day they woke up and decided to have an opinion.

I have many opinions on a wide range of topics, some of which I honestly do not know much about. But I still have those opinions. Why? The answer once again lies in the flawed workings of the brain.

Your brain develops an answer for every question you can pose and it does so by referring to it's massive bank of data it has stored away in the dark little recesses of your mind. So when you want to form an opinion on something your brain quickly analyses everything in your memory that relates to it (experiences, news articles, opinions of people you value) and like magic you now have an opinion. Wonderful.

There is No Wrong Opinion

If we consider every opinion from the frame of reference (showing my nerdy side here) in which it was created then there is no possible way for an opinion to be wrong. For example, I might have the opinion that blue is the best colour ever, which I based on a random internet survey I conducted where 5 out of 6 people agreed that blue was awesome. Therefore, I believe we should paint the whole world blue.

Ok ok, this is a silly example but it shows my point. The opinion was formed because I believed that I had the proof that supported it. Therefore in my frame of reference (i.e. my own mind) the opinion is correct. Of course everyone else has their own opinion on which colour is the best, all of which are equally true.

When dealing with the opinions of other people you need to consider what their frame of reference is and what experiences or "evidence" they have as support.

Dealing With Others' Opinions

There is a saying people like to use which goes: "You are entitled to your opinion." This is strange on two levels. First, it's normally followed up with a big fat "BUT..." and then the person tries to force their opinion on to you. Secondly, we do not need someone to give us permission for our opinions. The very nature of opinions means that we are ALWAYS "entitled" to them.

The best way to deal with the opinions of others is to listen and ask questions. Find out what evidence, real or perceived, they have that led them to their opinion and you will gain wonderful insight into their thought process. Then question the basis for your own opinions. If you honestly believe you have some evidence that could help the other person then explain it to them. But do not expect them to always be receptive. Try once and move on, unless you find something soothing about hitting your head against a brick wall.

Of course the best thing you can do is simply respect the opinions of others and try to understand their point of view. You never know, it might lead you to change your own opinion.

Changing Your Opinions

It is OK to change your opinion. In fact the ability to change your opinions shows great strength of character. It means that you are aware of your own thoughts and opinions but are open to receiving information contrary to what you currently believe. When something of value is presented you can process it and analyse your own opinions to determine if they are still valid. If this sounds like you then you deserve a big pat on the back because this is not an easy task. Well done.

I encourage everyone to remain open, at all times, to receiving new information but also remember to question the "why" behind it. Not everything you hear is true and some people have ulterior motives for trying to change your opinion. Listen to all information presented, assess the validity of it, and make adjustments to your opinions as necessary. But only if you want to. After all, they are your opinions.

But of course all this is just my opinion. It is right for me and it may or may not sit right for you. That's the beauty of opinions.

Multitasking is Unproductive

Want to be more productive? Stop multitasking. The concept of multitasking sounds great in principle but in reality it fails miserably. Being able to to perform multiple tasks simultaneously makes you sound like some fantastic work guru who whizzes through tasks at the speed of light, but often the real result is just sub-standard performance, and failure to keep up with all the tasks. The complete opposite of what it is supposed to do.

I am not pretending to be holier-than-thou, because I too suffer from trying to multitask my day to fit more in. It is a hard habit to break. In fact, my attempt to multitask is the precise reason why I have not written here in the last few days.

So far this week I have, written a proposal for a consulting job, developed the new version of the 16 Threads website, anlaysed some sports markets, and worked on my pet coding project which is an automated betting project that should generate long-term profits. It has been chaos and I am suffering because of it.

The Multitasking Impact

I am tired, I am fatigued, and I am a little sick. I am grumpy, I am negative and and I blame multitasking!

I have been pushing myself to meet deadlines, often imposed by myself, because I set some high goals in terms of my personal productivity. It started well, filled with motivation as I made significant progress on all projects. I was knocking out code, producing graphics and just generally flying along, multitasking in style.

But the problem is that the initial high wears off. When I got past the inital stages of the projects where things flowed quickly and smoothly I entered the treacherous waters of fiddly work and the smaller, more annoying tasks. On their own, these tasks can be dangerous enough to anyone, threatening to kill productivity but when you run several projects concurrently, these tasks pile up and sometimes it just feels like too much.

I realised my error when I found myself sitting in front of my computer doing nothing. I had two different projects open and the notepad for another beside me, yet I was doing nothing. I had hit the multitasking wall.

The Multitasking Wall

The multitasking wall comes about when each of the tasks you are running become ust the slightest bit more complex than normal. And this is the main problem with multitasking.

Sure if you are doing simple and repetitive (i.e. boring) tasks then you may be able to multitask successfully. But when you start adding complexity and require in-depth thought into the mix the problem with multitasking is suddenly exposed.

Multitasking does not double or triple your productivity. It just spreads your focus among the multiple tasks. If you consider your maximal focus and productivity as 100% then multitasking 2 tasks just means you only give each task 50% focus. So instead of devoting yourself to being awesome at one specific task you are just being mediocre at multiple tasks.

When those tasks are simple 50% is often fine. But when those tasks require complex thought patterns this reduction in your skills is what kills your productivity. You have essentially halved your ability to think, apply the processes, and make the correct decisions. And that is before you consider the "tax" of switching gears.

Switching Gears

Switching gears is what your brain does when you change quickly from one task to another. It has to change context, focusing on the new subject and dredging up past information that it might need to use as a reference. This all takes time, and the more complex the new task is the longer it will take.

This time is just wasting your time. It is "taxed" from your possible productive time, leaving you with less time to complete your multiple tasks. So not only do you end up doing a half-arsed job when you multitask but you end up losing precious time too. This just results in more pressure to complete the tasks which normally means doing an even worse job.

The Answer

The answer is simple - one task at a time. Work on a single task until completion, ignoring all interruptions, other work, and that little itch to be a "go-getter multitasker". Let yourself get stuck into your task with all of your focus and you will be amazed at the productivity you can produce. And when that single task is finished you move on to the next most important task on your list. Simple.

Maybe not. Even if you try to be rigid in your single-tasking method you will fall back into multitasking, just like I did this week. In a society with email, mobile phones, twitter, facebook (and so on forever) everyone sees to pride themselves on juggling everything at once. Like it is a badge of honor. It's not.

Reject multitasking. Accept single-tasking.

Release Your Immortal Elephant

It happened late one Friday night. I had a beer in my hand and I was tired. Very tired. The words just popped out: "Release your immortal elephant."

I had been playing with my dog and was watching him wrestle and kill his little elephant toy, over and over. Every time it was moved, he would attack it with gusto and drag it back to his bed, only for the cycle to start again several minutes later. I saw strange parallels to human behaviour.

My mind picked up a gear and I was raving about life, negativity, and how everyone is weighing themselves down by dragging around an immortal elephant. For a second I wondered if I had (finally) gone crazy but I knew I was on to something when Sophie actually started nodding in agreement.

The Immortal Elephant

The Immortal Elephant is a metaphor for the negativity that holds you back in life. It weighs you down, it controls your actions, it invades your life, it restricts your focus, and no matter how hard you want to kill it it just will not die. The immortal elephant sucks.

The Immortal Elephant can be any form of negativity in your life, but generally it's the big stuff. For me, my elephant is/was self-doubt. Several years ago my life was riddled with negativity, especially about myself. Everything I did I thought I could have (and should have) done better, and I was constantly beating myself up about almost everything; my looks, my job, my lack of "success" and so on. It was not a happy time.

Late one night I stumbled upon some self improvement material online and I began changing my life. I learned to love and respect myself, I developed self confidence, I realised my thoughts were valid and that I did not have to agree with others, and I acknowledged that I did not have to be perfect as long as I always had good intentions and welcomed improvement. Finally, I had grown into the man I was supposed to be and it felt amazing. No, it felt better than amazing.

My big fat negative elephant was no longer haunting my life, bringing me down and preventing me from achieving. Had I done what everyone wishes they could do? Had I killed my immortal elephant?

No, it's immortal silly. But I had released it, which is even better.

Releasing the Immortal Elephant

The elephant is immortal because there is always negativity in our lives, and having become so used to fueling our lives with negative energy (stress, anger, resentment, laziness) it is all too easy fall back into those habits and forget all the positive work you have done. The elephant feeds on this negative energy and becomes stronger.

Releasing the immortal elephant is about letting go of the negativity in your life instead of fighting it. Just let it be. If someone in your life is angry towards you then just accept them as negative and move yourself in more positive direction. If you have negative thoughts about yourself do not get worked up about them, but acknowledge they are valid representations of your current mindset. If you have friends that use you, or cause distress in your life, then move on. Just like the schoolyard bully, the elephant goes away when ignored.

Once you start releasing your negativity, instead of holding on to and fighting it, you will notice a big shift in your life. You will naturally become happier, you will accept others as who they are, you will identify yourself and grow as a person, and you will learn to cultivate only those situations in life that bring prosperity, happiness, and positivity. Which leads me to the best part of this crazy metaphor.

Get the Elephant on Your Side

Not only does releasing the elephant have a dramatic effect on your life but it also affects the elephant too. I mentioned above that your immortal elephant feeds on your negative energy but this is only part of the story. Your immortal elephant feeds on ANY energy; positive or negative, and these energies have polar opposite effects.

Feeding your elephant with negativity will create an angry, stressful, and chaotic elephant running amok in your life. This elephant is your enemy.

Feeding your elephant with positivity creates a strong, happy, and supportive elephant that nurtures and protects you. This elephant is your best friend.

A positive elephant is the best kind of immortal elephant. It follows you around, supporting and encouraging you, and it is always ready to squash out any negativity that pops up in your life. Feed your elephant with positivity and get it on your side, working with you not against you.

What the Hell am I Talking About?

For those wondering what substance I am taking right now, the answer is none. I am naturally this bizarre. I see the world quite differently to most people and often it is very hard to explain. If this entire metaphor was too much for you perhaps this (non-elephant) summary will help:

• Negativity is infectious and debilitating.
• Release negativity from your life instead of holding on to it.
• Surround yourself with positive actions and relationships.
• I like elephants.

So, what negativity in your life are you holding on to?

Update 5/5/11: If you find it hard to rid yourself of negativity try reading my article on How To Harness Your Negative Emotions To Make Positive Changes

Decisions Cause Manifestation

Every action we take in our life begins with a decision. Without decisions we could not achieve anything. The decision is the catalyst for putting our thoughts, dreams, desires, and goals into action. Most people think that success and achieving goals comes from carefully planning the correct action but this is only partly true. Before that can happen you need to decide that it actually will happen. Deciding that you are working towards a specific outcome solidifies the idea in your mind, and also forces you to exude energy that will progress you towards the goal. When you make an active decision your mind will strive to fulfill it, identifying any possible opportunities that could help and even subconsciously controlling your actions to guide you closer to your goal.

Deciding leads to manifestation. Once something has been decided upon, things will start to occur to fulfill it. It is as simple as that. So why do most people not do this when talking about that one fantastic goal, or dream, they have? Fear. But today we are not looking at why it happens but how to take control and use the power of decisions to our advantage. Today we are going to make things happen.

An Illustrative Story - Toby the Cavoodle

First, a story to illustrate the point. This story is about Toby (warning: cute puppy picture following...)

Toby

On Saturday Sophie and I adopted Toby. Yes he is that cute in real life, but the real gem of this story is how quickly it all transpired after we decided to get a puppy.

We had talked about getting a dog for many months but always with some doubt hanging around, gnawing in the background. We both said we wanted a dog but we never really committed to getting one until last Friday night.

Sophie and I were out walking and the conversation turned to dogs (again) and then the inevitable reasons for not getting one. But we pushed through all those negative thoughts and we realised we were so definite that we wanted a dog. We both looked at each other with excitement in our eyes and decided “we are going to get a dog”. It felt right.

Arriving home, Sophie received a call from her sister who told her that the RSPCA was having an adoption drive the following day. When the universe aligns to make things happen it does it in a big way.

We canceled our Saturday plans and headed to the RSPCA, but we were let down. Most dogs were too big, or had such high energy levels, that we could not have kept them happy at our house. When we found a smaller dog ideally suited to our property and lifestyle, we discovered a family was already waiting to take her home. Feeling dejected, we went for a drive, pondering our situation. We had been certain that the RSPCA was a sign but we were still dog-less.

Two hours later we found ourselves at an out-of-the-way pet store doing some research on what we would need when we did eventually did become new puppy owners. While talking to the assistant we played with a litter of Cavoodles and during that time Toby won us over. He was fun, energetic, and smart. We had found the dog for us and he went home with us the very next day. Our decision had manifested.

Decisions Cause Manifestation

The point to the story is that nothing happened until we made that finalising decision. We both had longed a do  for months but we had never actually made a conscious decision about it. When we finally made that decision it took less than 24 hours for us to go from decision to manifestation, with many signs along the way pointing us in the right direction and reinforcing our decision.

Adopting a puppy is not really a big dream to have and because of this the gap between decision and manifestation was short. That is how the universe works; the smaller the goal, the smaller the time it takes to occur after we have decided to make it happen.

Consider the action of eating. When you make the conscious decision that it is time to eat the relevant actions occur quickly with little problems and you end up eating a meal pretty quickly. But bigger goals, like buying a house, quitting your job, or starting your own business, take a lot more time to manifest.

That is not meant to serve as a scare-tactic but work as motivation. If you are dreaming about something big then you need decide to make it happen today, so that you give it as much time as possible to manifest. Putting off the decision will only delay your goals more. Use today to decide that you will make your dream come true.

Remove Fear and Self-Doubt

Once you have made the decision, the biggest problem you have facing you is your own fear and self doubt. These are the stumbling blocks that you encounter that prevent your goal from manifesting.

If you start doubting if you will fulfill your goals then guess what? Your mind will find reasons to prove your self-doubt correct. Compare the difference between these two statements: 1) “I want [x]...I want it to happen no matter what!” 2) “I want [y]…Maybe its impossible. Maybe I should aim for something else.”

If you were given both these statements at the same time which one would you focus your attention on? Number 1 of course! Why waste time and energy on a task when we have doubts that it is even possible? And that is exactly how your mind works when you feed it doubt and fear. It is blatant self-sabotage and it prevents you from achieving your goals.

To turn this around you need to start believing and stop doubting. It can be hard skill to learn, especially if you have spent your life listening to the masses of people who try to tell you what you cannot do, so I recommend starting small. Pick a goal that is small but will be noticeable when it is fulfilled. Make a decision that you will achieve your goal and state your decision aloud. This helps you feel more accountable. Even better is if you can tell someone you trust - your partner, friends, or family. Spend 10 minutes a day, preferably at the start, reminding yourself that you made this decision and you fully intend to see it fulfilled.Then wait for he opportunities to unfold in front of you, often in unexpected ways.

Decide to be successful.

If you liked this article you might like reading more on The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and The Way You Think and Why it's Wrong.

Live in the Moment

Living in the moment sounds like a nice sales phrase that some 1990s motivational speaker slapped on a book to sell more copies but living in the moment, also referred to as mindfulness, is about increasing your awareness to everything occurring around you at every given moment. It means listening to and observing your internal dialogue, being more attentive to outside factors, and identifying the aspects of your life that you do and do not have control over. And enjoying it all in the process. Our world is full of distractions and each one makes it harder to focus on our self, to live in the moment. If you are oscillating between emails, web sites, text messages, phone calls, meetings, and so on, it can become too easy to let those distractions take over your mind and just plod through the day with one foot in front of the other without ever looking where you are really going.

At work we fantasize about leisure time and then during our leisure time we worry about work. Not only is that wasting our time but it means we are never focused in the present which is very unhealthy.

The biggest problem with living like this is that life becomes a series of boring, often negative, events running together one after the other. Trust me, I have spent months at a time in this unhappy cycle drifting from one task to the next without being tuned in. At the time it felt normal (“no-one is really that happy are they?”) and I blamed my crappy job for most of it (“if only I didn’t have to work I would be happy”). Wrong on both counts.

I’ll be honest, the job really was crap but that was not the ultimate cause for my unhappiness. It was the lack of mindfulness. I was just not very good at living in the moment. Maybe the job was not stimulating enough for me but for the most part it was my fault - I was choosing to be miserable about my job and that choice was making my life miserable too.

The Choice is Yours

That is the best thing about discovering the ideology of living in the moment. Choice. Everything you do is your choice and everything that occurs in your life is an outcome derived from your past choices. (Hmmm...This is getting into other favourite topics of mine – intentions and manifestation - more articles for my to-write list).

Every single choice or decision you have ever made is what brought you to this current point in life. You chose to open the web-browser, you chose some actions that brought you here, and then you chose to read this article. It did not just happen upon you and it never will. Life is the same. At any point in time you can define your life as the sum of all your past choices, good or bad.

That might sound scary at first, especially if you are a pessimist, but it is actually quite remarkable. Sure, if you believe you have made “bad” choices in your past then you might be worried but there is no need. Everyone makes mistakes and a choice is not bad (or good) once it has been made. Once a choice has been made it is no longer a choice but a decision, or action, that has occurred. The moment for choice has gone, and we are in the next moment, ready to make our next choice that will define us.

The beauty of this thought pattern is that those past choices only define you right at this moment and every choice you make from now on changes your definition. So are you still going to choose to be negative? Are you going to sit there and whine and complain, be mean to others, and drive yourself with negative emotions such as anger and fear? Or are you going to choose to define you life with positivity, happiness, and love?

I hope you are starting to see the link between living in the moment and being aware of the choices you make. If you need further encouragement you might like to read my article: The Way You Think and Why It’s Wrong where I describe two key flaws the brain has which hold us back from living in the moment and achieving our full potential.

Think Like a Child

There are many positive outcomes that you will notice when you start being mindful and leaving in the moment. The biggest is the shift from judging your thoughts to observing them. When you re an observer you neither push them away or pull them toward you but learn to identify each as a valid thought. The result is profound – you awaken yourself to experience your life once more.

Remember when you were a child and you could spend the whole day playing without worries, often creating a completely reality? Would you like to regain that care-free attitude where everything in life was a fun adventure? Then think like a child.

“I’m a superhero with magic powers. Zap!...Zap!..Zap!....Ooooh a butterfly!”

Ok, maybe not quite like that but the point is to remember that children predominately live in the moment. They rarely stress about or replay past events through their mind, or worry about what the future will hold. They are just focused on living (and enjoying) the current moment and everything else takes care of itself. That is what we want to achieve.

I will finish this with a quote from #a fantastic article from Pyschology Today which extols the virtues of being mindful in every moment of your life:

Mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. Anchoring awareness in the here and now reduces the kinds of impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression, binge eating, and attention problems. Mindful people can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened. They fight less with their romantic partners and are more accommodating and less defensive. As a result, mindful couples have more satisfying relationships.

Five Tips to Help You Live in the Moment

With that in mind I have assembled some quick tips for you to try to break yourself out of the past/future focus and draw yourself into your present. These aren’t shortcuts (it’s best if you have actually read and understood the above) but they can help you get started.

• Catch your wishes – look out for your phrases like “I wish [x]" and turn the tables around. Ask yourself “what can I do right now to start making [x] happen?” If the answer is nothing, then it is not worth your time right now so let it go.
• You do not have to like the present, but you do have to accept it. Things happen and sometimes you don’t have any control over it. Accept that the present is unchangeable and move on.
• Smile – start the day with a smile and you set the tone for the day. Force yourself to smile and your mood will change. Check out this research for more details
• Breath – there is a reason why focusing on your breathing is the starting point for most meditations. It relaxes us, frees our mind, an also reduces the effect of pain and stress on our body.
• Reduce “zoned out” activities – you know what they are. They can be fun and good at times but they teach you the bad habit of ignoring your own reality. Try to do things that encourage you to see and experience the world, things that make you ask questions and challenge your mind.

Enough writing. It’s time for me to go spend some time with Sophie, being mindful and enjoying her company. If you like this article then you can check out all of my other articles in the archives or subscribe to receive updates every time I publish a new article. For now though, if you are still hungry to read more about living in the moment then I recommend reading some Steve Pavlina, starting with The Power of Now.