Be Passionate!

Being passionate is the single greatest quality you can bring to any situation whether it be in work, love, friendships, or just life in general. Passion, by its nature, is an exciting and happy trait that motivates others and encourages positive actions with its energy and joy. Being passionate about something is highly respected by our peers and it is actually one of the most commonly desired things in society. Most people want to be passionate but don't know where to start. I'd say to start here is a very good first step!

Passion in Work

Having passion for your work is what most people identify passion with. Often people will comment positively when they interact with someone who is obviously doing something they love. Why? Because they exude an energy which naturally excites us and motivates us. And makes us jealous.

Ok well not exactly jealous, but most people in the world are not doing work they are passionate about, and when they see someone who is they cannot help feel encouraged but also a little envious. This is why success stories of people starting their own businesses are loved by many.

The good part is that finding what work excites you is relatively easy, if you are willing to do a little soul-searching. Executing the change, however, is much harder. You probably have to take a pay cut or expose yourself to financial risk to do it, and if you have been socially conditioned to love your money and possessions this will be hard. But then you need to ask yourself if working in a job you do not love for 40 years to have cool "things" is worth the unhappiness. I say no.

Passion in Love

This should not even need to be mentioned, but sadly this probably one the areas where our passion is most under-developed. When in a relationship we share our lives, including many private and intimate moments. Sexual passion comes easy to some people but sex is only one part of the relationship. Passion is needed elsewhere.

Relationships are complex things, combining physical, emotional, psychological, and social aspects. And all of these aspects need passion. Are you passionate about your partner that you go out your way to make them happy? Are you passionate about helping your partner through difficult times? Are you passionate about doing fun things together? You should be!

Passion in Friendships

Friendships need passion to grow. Without passion your friends will always just be nice associates instead of great mates. Passion in friendships is not the same as in love but it is equally important in establishing strong social relationships. The passion in friendships comes from two things - sharing passionate interests and being passionately supportive.

Sharing passionate interests is obvious. If you and a friend both love something similar than the job is easy. But you both have to love it! If one party is so-so then that does not count as shared passion. The good thing about shared passions is they encourage you, motivate you, and provide you an outlet for when your creative juices are flowing.

Being passionately supportive is the area where most people fail to grow their friendships. Why? Because being supportive implies focusing on someone else for a time and some people don't like this. I'm not saying you need to forget your needs and devote yourself entirely to others, but if your friend needs support you can choose to be there and help them. And if you do it passionately they will not forget it.

Are You Being Passionate?

Take some time to sit back and observe your life and see if you are being passionate. Imagine you are watching a movie of the past month of your life and ask yourself these questions:

• Do I love my work? Am I excited by the prospect of work every time I wake up?
• Do I provide physical, emotional, psychological, and social passion in my relationships?
• Do I have friends who share my passions? Do I passionately support my friends?

No? Perhaps it's time to make some changes in your life.

Image: photostock

Paleo Diet - Day 3

Day 3 has come and gone and I am still staying strong on the paleo diet. Another day filled with fresh fruit and vegetables, lean protein, nuts, and oils. Sugar cravings are still around (my mouth actually started salivating when I walked through the junk food aisle at the supermarket today) but I can ignore them easily enough. Check out why I find beating addictions easy below, as well as my food list for the day, and a few other points I am noticing about this paleo diet.

Food

Breakfast: 3 scrambled eggs, 1/2 an orange, and handful of nuts Snack: Apple and handful of almonds Lunch: Chicken salad (no egg this time) Snack: Pear and green tea Dinner: Lamb burger (with roasted capsicum "buns") and sweet potato chips.

Why Addictions Motivate Me

I have always been a very competitive man and that breaks down to two parts - I always strive to perform at my very best and I always aim. And these two traits are perfect for motivating me to deal with physiological addictions of any kind. Sugar cravings included.

When I notice a withdrawal-type symptom in my body I automatically see it as a challenge. It is as if someone has said "I bet you cannot get by without sugar. I bet you give in" which just makes me want to beat it even more.

The other part is my desire to perform to the best of my ability. When I notice symptoms like sugar withdrawal I start wondering if I was ever performing at my best. Maybe I have been holding myself back all this time? What if I cut sugars and I become stronger, faster, fitter, and healthier? That's a pretty big motivator for me.

External Motivation - Seeing is Believing

Theory is all well and good but sometimes the perfect motivation comes from seeing others in action and hearing their success stories. A good source of motivation for the paleo diet naturally is Robb Wolf's website, but today I stumbled upon a Canadian gym called The Strengthbox. It looks like my heaven.

The Strengthbox is about "primal exercise" which is the exercise equivalent of the paleo diet. Their workouts involve natural body movements and resistance forces, performing irregular actions that activate multiple muscles, and generally having a bit of fun while exercising. This looks exactly like my ideal gym that I dreamed up a while back.

Then I stumbled onto Greg Carver's blog, Athletics by Nature. Greg is one of the main guys at The Strengthbox and his blog is all about living a primal, or paleo, lifestyle. He has interesting articles about recipes, diet, exercises, recovery, and even how to build a MovNat climbing platform for exercise. Check it out, it's very cool.

I guess it is the same with any regime change (diet, physical or other). You can always find support and motivation online so there is never a reason to give up, especially not when the new plan has so many benefits.

Creativity is Through the Roof!

One benefit I am noticing is that I am having a big spike in my creativity when it comes to meals, especially dinner. Previously it felt like I was just going through the motions, preparing the same old meals that I could do with my eyes closed. Now I am dreaming up recipes and challenging myself to do something different with great success. Yesterdays Spicy Orange Chicken was fantastic and tonight's Lamb burgers hit the spot.

With this added culinary creativity I am also noticing an increase in my general creativity. I am reconsidering writing my novel, investigating several other business opportunities, and working on a new computer program to help me bring in some money. Hopefully this creativity trend continues as I get further into the paleo diet because it is very positive.

Summary

Day 3 down and I am feeling pretty good. Not too much different to how I was a few days ago, except for the sugar cravings and increase creativity. My sleeping habits have not been very good of late so I think I am still over-tired and under-resting which is not ideal. I believe this will impact on my ability to maximise the paleo effects so I need to address this.

On that note, it might well be my bed time. Good night.

Paleo Diet - Day 2 (The Sugar Itch)

Day 2 in my paleo experiment was good but a little harder than yesterday. I'm calling today my "sugar itch" day because I found myself daydreaming a few times about sweet foods. I think it will get worse though hence it only being an itch today. I did spend the day in an office watching people chowing down on cream-filled biscuits, chips and lollies so maybe that didn't help. But I digress. Time for the interesting part:

Meals

Breakfast: Leftover Salmon and mixed nuts (Brazil and Pecans) Snack: Orange and almonds Lunch: Chicken salad (lettuce, carrot, tomato, capsicum, 2 boiled eggs, 100g chicken) Snack: Apple and almonds Dinner: Spicy Orange Chicken (Zac's recipe) with lots of vegetables on the side. Drinks: A few Vodka, Lime and Sodas to round out the night!

Paleo Taste

As I alluded to earlier, I had a an urge for some sugar today. I think that mindset made the meals seem blander than they actually were. I normally love my chicken salad but I had to push myself to finish it today. I expect this to get better as I get used to the no sugar intake.

Dreaded Weight Loss!

I weighed myself again this morning (this time BEFORE breakfast) and I was down 1.4 kilos! Not cool. Some of this I can contribute to having a little extra weight yesterday as "wedding hangover" but it still rings some alarm bells. Standing at 6"2 (188cm) I am already relatively lean so weight loss is not ideal. I will continue to monitor this in the future, especially after gym workouts.

Summary

I'm feeling a little flat as I write this but I contribute that to a recent lack of good sleep. Overall I feel the paleo diet will work well. I can see how it would easily result in weight loss for overweight/obese people but am unsure of maintaining it in my lean state. Perhaps I am simply not eating enough? This is only day 2 after all so I will reserve any judgment until I have further data.

Day 2, the "sugar itch", complete!

Paleo Diet - Day 1

Today was my first official day on the Paleo Diet and it was a positive experience overall. I had trialled a few paleo meals over the past few days but decided to wait until today as I attended a wedding yesterday and I doubt they would have appreciated me requesting paleo foods at such late notice. Some people can be so touchy. I guess those earlier paleo meals could be seen as a bit of cheat. It means I had a few days easing myself into this new eating habit so my body could be already adjusting to this eating style but I decided the purpose of this paleo test is not to see what negative results I have (e.g. carb withdrawal, cravings) but rather what positive effects this diet has on my life. So without further ado let's see how day one went (with pictures!)

Day 1 in Pictures

Breakfast

Breakfast was delicious. Two eggs and 1.5 rashes of bacon, fried in olive oil, plus half an apple and a handful of blueberries.

Snack

Mid-morning snack of half an apple and a handful of almonds.

Lunch

Lunch was post-gym so I whipped up my standard salad (lettuce, capsicum, tomato, carrot) and added leftover chicken sausages and the left over rash of bacon from breakfast. Yummy.

Snack v2

I was a little hungry coming into late afternoon and so I polished off 2 boiled eggs and 3 brazil nuts The brazil nuts are a tip I took from Tim Ferriss about their selenium content and the effect on sperm production and testosterone levels. The eggs? Well I just love eggs!

Dinner

Grilled Salmon, green beans, and a small serving of Zac Salad (that's lettuce, tomato, capsicum, and carrot for those that missed it). This was the biggest unknown for me as I've never been big on Salmon before but this meal surprised me. It was fantastic and I will be having Salmon again in the future.

So that's everything I ate. How did it all go?

Taste

Beautiful. All food was fresh and delicious. The meals and snacks were good combinations of different areas and I made sure I got my lean protein fix for every meal. I could definitely eat like this for a long time with no concerns for boredom or taste.

Hunger

I did not experience much hunger today. In fact I would say my hunger was less than a normal carb-filled day. It was weird though. Normally I will get hit with a sudden urge of hunger around lunch time and I have to rush out to get food, and lots of it! Today I would eat a meal and feel satisfied and then an hour later my stomach felt empty. I was not hungry per se, but not full. It was definitely something different but probably more how our bodies should feel after food.

My Biggest Concern - Weight Loss

I know most people will hate me for saying that my biggest concern is losing weight but it's true. I weighed in at 81kg this morning (after breakfast) and I don't want that to drop. I'd prefer to be gaining weight (muscle) which is the whole point of the gym work but it adds more tension around the issue of ensuring that I eat enough food. I need to be able to live a paleo lifestyle, work out, and still be able to build muscle.

With that in mind I did something I told myself I was not going to do - measure my calories. In the past when I have started tracking my calorie intake (normally to ensure I eat enough to bulk up at the gym) I tend to go a little over the top with it. I wanted to do this diet without measuring everything but I decided that I needed to see how much this day has been worth first to determine if I will waste away or not.

Energy In: 1948 Calories Protein: 147 grams (31.6% of total energy intake) Fat: 127 grams (59.4% of total energy intake) Carbs: 45 grams (9% of total energy intake)

Not great. I think I need a fair bit more food if I am going to gain muscle from busting weights at the gym. I will give the paleo method a trial and see what effect it has on my body but I am thinking the future might include things like potatoes just to pad it out a bit. We'll see.

Day 1 down!

Going Paleo

A key part to being happy and enjoying a long and successful life is being fit and healthy. I'm sure a lot of those "jolly" fat men will disagree with me and argue that eating and drinking whatever they want makes them happy, and maybe it does in the short term, but in the long term the results will be discomfort, pain, diseases, and a shortened life. That definitely does not sound happy to me. With that in mind I finally got myself a copy of Robb Wolf's book, The Paleo Solution, which tackles a few big issues in our modern diet by comparing it to that of our paleolithic ancestors. It is a great read with lots of science-based information for the nerds (me!) but enough plain-speak and humour to make the ride worthwhile for anyone. Not to mention some scary concepts.

What is this Paleo Stuff?

To break the Paleo diet/lifestyle down to basics without delving into some of the issues Robb tackles in the book is hard, but the underlying premise is that our ancestors from the Paleolithic era had a remarkably low incidence of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, infertility, obesity, and so on, mainly due to their diet. They were hunter-gatherers so were naturally fairly active too, but the big principle is that our modern diet is what is causing our modern health problems. Think low-fat, high-carbs is good for you? Think again.

"Hogwash!" is probably your first response and that is fine. I'm sure your doctor probably told you that keeping fat intake to a minimum along with maximising "good carbs" is ideal. Of course, this is probably a doctor that thinks using the Body Mass Index (BMI) is valid for measuring your healthy weight. I wont go into why the BMI is a crock of you-know-what, but if you want to learn more about it's origins and how wrong it is go here and read the article "Do You Believe in Fairies, Unicorns, or the BMI?"

I'm not saying Doctors are bad or silly, because quite frankly they do an amazing job in our society. But humans in general have a preference to accept simplistic theories because they make life easier. Doctors are no different and when it comes to diet the current simple theory has just been accepted for so long that no-one seems to question it. Well almost no-one.

The Paleo lifestyle is gaining momentum and The Paleo Solution is one of the main reasons. But there are other books that are worthwhile too including; The Paleo Diet and The Paleo Diet For Athletes. You can also check out Robb Wolf's website which has regular updates, forums, and podcasts on all things Paleo. I recommended starting with Robb's Book (that's The Paleo Solution if you missed it) simply because that's where I started and it has some eye-opening information on how our body processes our food.

If you are feeling particularly lazy then I will give you a brief summary:

• Carbs are bad mmmmkay - our Paleo ancestors foraged for food, with little carbs involved. Any agriculture crops like wheat, corn, barely, grains were not accessible. And our bodies cannot handle them well.
• Protein is good - lean protein is ideal. Our ancestors ate lots of fresh caught fish, fowl, game and cattle. The meat was grass feed (note: even the cows didn't eat grains) and was fresh. Just the way it should be.
• Fat gets a bad wrap - some fat is actually quite good for us. Focus on eating fats from animals and nuts, just like our ancestors did because these have no correlation to bad cholesterol. Relax and eat fat. It's tasty.
• Be active - I know it sounds crazy but our ancestors had the fitness equivalent to an Olympic athlete because they were active. Not crazily active, just lots of walking, some running, climbing, etc. you know, the things a good hunter-gatherer does.

A Day in the Life...

Not convinced? let's consider a sample day from Robb's Book:

• Breakfast: Poached eggs and ham, almonds, fruit
• Lunch: Spiced chicken (fajita style) in a salad
• Snacks: Chicken meat, apple, avocado slices
• Dinner: Grilled Salmon, roasted green beans, side salad

Healthy deliciousness! Show me a person who thinks that doesn't sound healthy and I will show you an insane person. Just kidding, but seriously that day sounds pretty tasty and is obviously very healthy. If you are one of those people crying "But where are the carbs?" then get yourself a copy of the book and start reading. It may shock you to realise what those carbs are doing to your body.

Why am I Going Paleo?

Most of The Paleo Solution is targeted at the seriously unhealthy people in our society, so going paleo as a young, lean, and relatively fit 27 year old man might sound crazy but there is logic behind my madness.

Firstly, the whole Paleo concept resonates well with me. I have always struggled to accept many structures our modern society imposes and the thought of becoming more like a hunter-gatherer has a great deal of appeal. Plus if the world is plunged into some chaotic madness than I will be one step ahead on the road to surviving in a post-apocalyptic world.

And then of course there is the range of health benefits that come with this lifestyle. There are the obvious visual effects (less fat, more muscle, increased fitness) and the plethora of positive heath reasons (less heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and so on). In fact it's pretty much a whole lot of good things and nothing bad.

I would be mad not to try it wouldn't I?

Learn to Love Yourself

I used to dislike myself a lot. And I mean, a lot. I saw myself as an unattractive, no-hoper, who was doomed to a string of bad relationships and ill-formed friendships. Funny how these ideas can be self-fulfilling. Everything I saw in myself manifested and my life went suitably pear-shaped. It was a dark time but also a valuable one as it became the driving force behind my dramatic shift towards personal development. Even today, whenever I need to keep myself on track I look back to those days to remind myself how much progress I have made. And the biggest step was learning to love myself again.

Learning to Love Yourself

Ok, ok for the cynics and skeptics out there this whole "loving yourself" business sounds like some new-age hippy fad. And to those with dirty minds it sounds…well, dirty. It's neither of those, but feel free to use it as an excuse for the latter if you want.

Learning to love yourself is about putting aside all the negative ideas you have about yourself and focusing on the positives. It can be very hard, especially if you have a lot of limiting self-beliefs, but the rewards are fantastic - happiness, confidence, great friends, and successful loving relationships. Do these sound like things you would like in your life? Of course they are, and you can get them all but you have to start loving yourself first!

The First Step

I am going to keep this article short so here is just the first step down the path of loving yourself.

Spend 5 minutes everyday looking at yourself in the mirror. Observe any negative thought that floats into your mind and then find a positive about yourself that counters it. Verbalise the positive and repeat it while looking yourself in the eye. Say it with passion and pride like you mean it!

I recommend doing this twice a day (at the start and end) to keep those positive thoughts at the forefront of your mind. Pretty soon you will start believing them. I cannot do this activity without ending up with a big smile on my face and the attitude to match it.

Future Work

If you have some very strong negative thought patterns that are hard to break keep an eye out for an article coming soon on how to destroy your limiting beliefs. The process is pretty confronting but works wonders for getting rid of those useless and debilitating negative thoughts. Don't forget you can subscribe to my email newsletter to say updated on everything that happens here.

Go ahead and start loving yourself. You are worth it.

Image: m_bartosch

Your Attitude is Your Dimmer Switch

You know those cool lights where you can turn a dial to control the intensity of the light? Well that is exactly how your mental mindset controls your life. Your attitude is the dimmer switch for your life.

The Negative Attitude ("Who turned out the lights?")

A negative attitude is the equivalent of turning your dimmer switch down. The more negative the attitude, the less light in your life. And what happens when you try to walk around with no lights on? You stumble around blindly trying to feel your way, bumping into coffee tables and doorways, and stepping in poo (naughty dog!).

Darkness is also scary. Everyday objects like trees cast strange shadows and everything just looks a little creepier at night in the darkness. Not to mention that when you cannot see details your brain likes to fill in the gaps using imagination. And a negative mindset means a negative imagination. The result? Animals look scarier, people look dangerous, and strange shapes look like crazy monsters ready to attack. Or is that just me?

I remember a good example of this happening to me when I was 10. I was reading a horror story just before bed. I'm pretty good at separating reality and fiction so I generally do not get scared by books and movies. This particular story involved a headless woman who was seen standing in a yard waving her arms and tapping on the window try to get her head back. Not very scary. I finished the story and turned off the lights to go to bed. Suddenly it was a lot scarier.

The moon was casting a shadow on my wall which looked remarkably like the head of a woman (complete with frizzy hair hanging down) hanging from the roof, and there were some crazy limb-shaped objects waving around outside and tapping on the wall. Not only was the headless woman story true but she was right outside my window!

Maybe not, but when things are dark rationality goes out the window and fear takes over using our imagination to fabricate a negative outcome. This is exactly what we do to our lives when we maintain a negative mindset.

Update 5/5/11: If you find that your life is full of negative emotions try reading my article on How To Harness Your Negative Emotions To Make Positive Changes

The Positive Attitude ("Geez it's bright in here")

The positive attitude is the polar opposite. It is like cranking your dimmer switch all the way up as far as you can and yelling "Let there be light!" Ok you don't have to go crazy like that but what happens when you have lots of light? Well you certainly don't go stumbling around, stepping in poo because now you can see everything. And it's definitely not as scary.

When I was lying in bed as that scared little 10 year old I knew that logically there was not going to be a headless woman hanging around my window (surely she would have better things to do) but the irrationality caused by the darkness was much stronger. So I grabbed a torch and crept outside to investigate. Turns out the hanging head was just a hanging fern (that explains the frizzy "hair") and those waving limbs were just trees. Phew. Back to bed.

If I had not shone a light onto my fear to expose it for what it really was (and not just what I imagined it to be) then I would have spent the entire night curled up in bed, utterly terrified. I mean a headless woman tapping on the window is obviously after some revenge and not just a friendly chat right? But I suppose that's not really the point.

The point is that a positive attitude is the metaphorical torch in our lives. The more positive we are, the brighter our life will be. Alleys wont be as scary, people will be friendlier, storm clouds will be lighter, and those strange shapes will be…well, less strange. The outcome of all this? A more energetic life with less fear and more happiness. Sounds good doesn't it?

Where have you set your dimmer switch?

An Opinion is Never Wrong

I just had a wonderful long talk with my mum about all sorts of things (new businesses, innovation, paleo dieting, health, and relationships just to name a few) and towards the end she said something quite profound which resonated deeply with me: "An opinion is never wrong."

I could not have said it better myself.

What is an Opinion?

An opinion is just a belief, idea, or judgment a person has for a particular topic. They may have formed this through extensive experimentation, life experiences, research, or just because one day they woke up and decided to have an opinion.

I have many opinions on a wide range of topics, some of which I honestly do not know much about. But I still have those opinions. Why? The answer once again lies in the flawed workings of the brain.

Your brain develops an answer for every question you can pose and it does so by referring to it's massive bank of data it has stored away in the dark little recesses of your mind. So when you want to form an opinion on something your brain quickly analyses everything in your memory that relates to it (experiences, news articles, opinions of people you value) and like magic you now have an opinion. Wonderful.

There is No Wrong Opinion

If we consider every opinion from the frame of reference (showing my nerdy side here) in which it was created then there is no possible way for an opinion to be wrong. For example, I might have the opinion that blue is the best colour ever, which I based on a random internet survey I conducted where 5 out of 6 people agreed that blue was awesome. Therefore, I believe we should paint the whole world blue.

Ok ok, this is a silly example but it shows my point. The opinion was formed because I believed that I had the proof that supported it. Therefore in my frame of reference (i.e. my own mind) the opinion is correct. Of course everyone else has their own opinion on which colour is the best, all of which are equally true.

When dealing with the opinions of other people you need to consider what their frame of reference is and what experiences or "evidence" they have as support.

Dealing With Others' Opinions

There is a saying people like to use which goes: "You are entitled to your opinion." This is strange on two levels. First, it's normally followed up with a big fat "BUT..." and then the person tries to force their opinion on to you. Secondly, we do not need someone to give us permission for our opinions. The very nature of opinions means that we are ALWAYS "entitled" to them.

The best way to deal with the opinions of others is to listen and ask questions. Find out what evidence, real or perceived, they have that led them to their opinion and you will gain wonderful insight into their thought process. Then question the basis for your own opinions. If you honestly believe you have some evidence that could help the other person then explain it to them. But do not expect them to always be receptive. Try once and move on, unless you find something soothing about hitting your head against a brick wall.

Of course the best thing you can do is simply respect the opinions of others and try to understand their point of view. You never know, it might lead you to change your own opinion.

Changing Your Opinions

It is OK to change your opinion. In fact the ability to change your opinions shows great strength of character. It means that you are aware of your own thoughts and opinions but are open to receiving information contrary to what you currently believe. When something of value is presented you can process it and analyse your own opinions to determine if they are still valid. If this sounds like you then you deserve a big pat on the back because this is not an easy task. Well done.

I encourage everyone to remain open, at all times, to receiving new information but also remember to question the "why" behind it. Not everything you hear is true and some people have ulterior motives for trying to change your opinion. Listen to all information presented, assess the validity of it, and make adjustments to your opinions as necessary. But only if you want to. After all, they are your opinions.

But of course all this is just my opinion. It is right for me and it may or may not sit right for you. That's the beauty of opinions.

Learning to Say Sorry Properly

For most people saying sorry has just become a trick we learn to perform whenever the appropriate social cues present themselves. Girlfriend crying? Say sorry. Got caught in a lie? Say sorry. Forgot your anniversary? You'd better say sorry unless you want to sleep on the couch forever. The problem is that for too many people the words of an apology are empty and nothing more than lip service. But learning when and how to say sorry is a major part of self improvement and ultimately becoming happy.

The Story of a Compulsive Apologiser

A few years back I was a "people pleaser". I had very low self confidence and I desperately wanted to be liked. By everyone. No matter if it was some random I had just met I was always seeking approval from others. It was terrible. I was so focused on getting other people to like me that I generally did whatever I could to make other people happy, often at my own expense. The biggest example was my habit of saying sorry for everything.

If we ran out of toilet paper I would apologise for not getting some more. Even if my housemates had just been at the shops. If got into one of those awkward moments when a stranger and I tried to pass each other but kept moving in the same direction I would apologise. It was crazy. This went on for years until I woke up to myself and began my self development journey.

First stop on my journey was to develop some self confidence and I did this with good success. Deep down I did love and value myself for who I was but I just had to remind myself. But in this process I developed the attitude of never saying sorry because I thought it showed weakness. No apologies. Ever. Even if I was a complete jackass.

This attitude was just as silly as the original one. I had gone from one extreme to the other and it wasn't pretty. I offended people, I hurt people, and I caused some major hiccups in my personal relationships.

Early on in our dating days I occasionally said or did something to hurt Sophie emotionally. Nothing major, but at times I could be a little rude and Sophie would take offensive. But I would not say sorry because I was too much of a man to do that. It would sacrifice all the power in the relationship to her and I would be forever apologising. Luckily for me, I learned that this attitude was wrong and I managed to turn it around before I ruined the relationship.

In the process I have discovered how powerful saying sorry is for encouraging personal growth. When you say sorry and actually mean it then you have shown the ability to observe and assess your own actions, recognise how they impact the world around you, and take ownership of your mistakes. This is how you learn about yourself and develop as a human being. It is the basis for all personal growth.

Act with Good Intentions

I now focus on acting with good intentions and saying sorry only when its truly needed.  As long as I am always aiming to help others, but not to the detriment of myself, then my actions will be respected. As long as I maintain positivity and never receive a benefit at the expense of others, I will not need to apologise.

But even following this new motto I still have times where I need to apologise. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes but as long as I keep saying sorry when and how I should then I will always be improving myself and nurturing healthy positive relationships.

When to Say Sorry

The best time to apologise is anytime. It does not have to be right after the moment. It can be days, weeks, months, or even years down the track but I can promise you that any sincere apology is worth it, not matter how long it has been.

The key is that it must be sincere. When you actually feel real sorrow for the pain you have caused in another then you are ready to think about how to actually say sorry.

How to Say Sorry

Sorry is not a magic word. You cannot just say it and expect the world to right itself again. The magic of an apology comes from the feeling and sincerity behind it.

The apology must come from the heart and must not be for any personal reason or gain. It must not be just because you are feeling guilty, or because you want everyone to like you. You should only say sorry when you truly regret your actions that caused a negative outcome in someone's life.

The tricky area is to define what a negative outcome is. Often people will react negatively to actions in their life which are actually positive. They either cannot see the positivity, do not want to see it, or have trained themselves to be negative-focused.

For example, providing constructive criticism to a friend is positive because it highlights how their actions affect you and encourages them to grow. Initially the friend may reject the criticism and display negative emotions but this does not mean you should apologise for it. If you were acting with good intentions, not purposefully trying to hurt your friend, then in the long run it will be a positive action.

What to Say Sorry For

Following on my that example and my life motto of acting with good intentions, an important skill to learn is what to say sorry for. If you keep these two scenarios in your mind and apologise appropriately when they arise then you will begin to experience a happier and more positive life:

• When you act with bad intentions - this includes taking advantage of a situation at the expense of others, ignoring the effects your decisions have on others, or purposefully hurting others for any reason. This is simply not on in any situation and and apology is required.
• When your actions are neither good nor bad intentioned but cause hurt in someone - these are likely to be accidents and you should be willing to apologise if they cause pain for other people. But watch out for people who will try to make them bigger than they really are. It was an accident so apologise once and move on.

Getting Your Apologies Valued

One thing I noticed is that after refusing to apologise for so long, when I started saying sorry again people respected it more. It became obvious to myself and others that I am truly sorry whenever I apologise which gives it much more weight.

I encourage you to look at your own usage of "sorry" and question whether it has lost its meaning for you too. Hopefully you experience a similarly positive journey like I did.

Hiking (Climbing) up Mount Tibrogargan

“Mt Beerwah is closed after a rock slide in January. We could go up Tibrogargan instead, it's more walk than climb but still alright.” Famous last words. Not mine, but I was fool enough to take them on face value.

A few weeks ago my good mate Aston, producer of Final Reminder, planted the idea of going for a hike. We had just done a 5km run and I had smashed my latest time so I was feeling pretty pumped.

“Sure. Sounds like fun.”

Fast forward two weeks and Sophie and I were getting ready to meet Aston and his fiancé Jacqui before the hike. I was debating about whether I would last in my newish Vibram Five Finger shoes so I decided to do some research on the hiking trail. What I found was a little off-putting.

Every site I found showed people climbing what seemed like un-climbable rock walls. Then there was the report from a guy who had gotten trapped up the mountain, hit in the head by a rock slide, and needed emergency helicopter evacuation. Scary.

The Walk

We started about 3:30pm, walking around part of the track that travels around the base of the mountain. It was great scenery but it wasn’t really a hike. It was more of a pleasant bush walk. Then we stumbled upon the hiking trail towards the summit climb.

“We’ll start it and see what it’s like. We can always stop and come back another day.” Famous second last words.

The trail began fairly simply but at a steep enough angle to encourage a little burn in the legs and also a solid increase if heart rate. It was a good feeling to be out experiencing nature and exercising at the same time. Then we reached the climb.

The Climb

We found ourselves staring up at a steep(ish) rock wall which would require a fair bit of “scrambling” and the women decided they already enjoyed the view and were happy to relax there. Fair call but Aston and I had other plans. We had come this far so we should at least see what the climb was like right?

In a word it was tough. Maybe my few weeks off from the gym had something to do with it but I found it was lots of climbing and pulling myself up rock faces punctuated with the odd ledge or flatter area on which I duly rested my legs.

With each rest I would look below and begin doubting the whole idea anew. From above the rocks I had just scrambled over looked decidedly steep and I found myself wondering if I would actually be able to get back down without breaking my neck.

Not one to back down from a challenge though I figured that I would deal with the problem of getting down later. I needed to focus on going up first.

So on we trekked, climbing and scrambling our way upwards. At each stop we would look up and think “That next ledge looks like the top so we might as well keep going” and each time we climbed up only to see another ledge awaiting us.

Eventually the top sprung up on us and after a little walk across the summit we burst through the bush and onto the rocky outcrop a friendly man had told us about on his way down.

Immediately the cool mountain air struck me.  I sucked in several deep breaths and let the refreshing breeze wash over me. I felt on top of the world.  364 metres on top to be precise.

Coming Down

So we had conquered the beast – the gorilla mountain as it is known – and it was time to test that worrying descent. That rock face was pretty steep on the way up wasn’t it? How would we go getting down it?

It was much easier than I thought.

In fact the whole way down Aston and I were talking, discussing all sorts of interesting topics including our thoughts on how to run a good IT business, why multitasking is wrong, what causes significant personality changes in people, why constant self improvement is great, and our own personal journeys we had over the past few years. We talked and the climbing down just took care of itself. Easy.

Stats, Vibrams, and Photos

Overall it was a fantastic day out and I would recommend it to anyone with even the smallest adventurous streak. I feel excited and energised from it and am now wondering what bigger and better challenges I can conquer next.

The stats for the climb are as follows. Note this is only for the journey up:

• Time: 1 hour and 4 minutes
• Km: 2.9km
• Elevation: 364m

This walk/hike/climb was the first big test for me and my Vibram Five Fingers. The passed with flying colours. I made it the entire journey (about 6km) without much trouble. The only time I even really noticed them was when I slid down some rocks an I could feel them pulling on each individual toe. But no blisters, or cuts and I believe they actually helped my climbing ability as I was getting grip on all sorts of crazy surfaces.

I took a few photos along the way and you can check them out on Flickr. The misty rain that was hanging around dulled the distant vista but I think you get the idea.