What's Your Personality Type?

Over the past few years, and particularly the last 6 months, I have been doing a fair bit of in-depth thinking about psychology. I've experienced a lot of personal development (or "spiritual growth") and I've discovered many things about myself that I wasn't previously aware of. Good news so far, but it got me wondering as to whether I have changed as result of this introspection or whether I have essentially stayed the same person but am just more aware of what that actually means.

I decided to revisit the Myers-Briggs Personality Test to answer this question.

Myers-Briggs

I have previously done the Myers-Briggs Personality Test twice in my life. It is a very interesting test but I distinctly remember having troubles picking one or other in certain circumstances.

In the first test I ended being almost borderline for the 4 categories. Basically I sat on the fence.

In the second test I had just begun down the self development path so I was becoming more self aware (I sound like a robot from a sci-fi movie) and thus could answer the questions better. I still had some troubles and still ended up borderline on a few aspects but the overall result was ENTP, and everyone seemed to agree it sounded like me.

It's been three years (or more) and I've spent a lot of that time in deep analysis of myself. I feel like a very different person but has my personality changed? Or do I just "get" myself more?

Drumroll please….my current personality type is: ENTP!

So on the surface it looks as if I haven't changed and I guess in terms of the overall picture that is true. I am still an ENTP but I am much happier with that classification now. I think I have strengthened myself in those areas in which I used to be borderline - this time I found it much easier to answer the questions and pick which type summed me up - so if anything I've just become a more definite ENTP.

For those interested in finding their own personality type, or those who are wondering what the hell these letters mean, then check out this pretty handy chart.

Remember kids, its not an exact science, but it is very interesting.

So what is your personality type?

Finishing What You Start

I love starting a new project. There is something special about that energetic buzz that occurs at the beginning of each new project. It is a wonderful time filled with positive energy, happiness, and excitement. The same can be said when you finish a project too - it is a magnificent feeling to see something through to completion, where you can stand back and admire your own work and feel proud of your achievement.

Unfortunately actually finishing a project is a hard thing to do.

I know this because I am fantastic at starting new projects and making quick progress. I get motivated and the work flows easily and the project runs smoothly. At least it does at the start anyway.

I believe most things in life, including projects, follow the Pareto principle (aka the 80-20 rule). It is a basic data modelling formula which says that 80% of whatever your are measuring normally comes from only 20% of the sample population.

This rings true for most projects across all aspects of our lives. We can complete 80% of a project with as little as 20% of the total effort. This is the early stage of the project where everything progresses beautifully, but there will come a point where the ratio inverts. You will reach a time where the remaining 20% of effort will take you 80% of the total project time and it is during this time that motivation drops, progress is stagnated, and you run the risk of not finishing the project at all.

I've met this barrier many times in my life so I know how tough it can be to push through it. I've also failed to, or chosen not to, push through it many times too so I also know how unsatisfying it feels to leave a project unfinished. But recently I've developed a few questions that I use to help me stay on track and complete my projects.

Is/Was It Worth Starting In The First Place?

Sometimes your idea is actually not that good to begin with. Before starting a new project, or when struggling to maintain motivation, you need to reassess the original idea. Is it actually a good idea? Is it something is actually worth spending time on? Is it worth it?

You might realise that your original idea, which you thought was the best thing since sliced bread, is actually not so good. That's ok, because I'm going to let you in on a secret - you don't have to finish every project you start.

Is It Worth Finishing?

Re-read that last sentence. You honestly don't have to finish every single project you start. In fact I will go as far as to say that if you did so you would be wasting your time.

You're not perfect and every idea you have is not a great one. Some ideas you have are rubbish. Some of these rubbish ideas you will actually have to start working on first before you realise they are rubbish, but when you do make that realisation any more work on the project becomes wasted time.

Some ideas are not worth finishing, no matter how far you've progressed. You could be 95% complete before you realise it, but once you do it is time to let it go and move on to the next project.

How Will You Know When You Are Finished?

It may sound like a dumb question, but too many people start a pet project with nothing but a wafty idea of whatever they are trying to achieve. Naughty!

When you start something you need to make sure you understand exactly what "finished" is. Even if you have future ideas, or phases, for your project it is best to view them as separate projects with separate time frames. Each part needs a definitive milestone which signals that the project is over, otherwise it will end up feeling like one never-ending project and that can be a huge drain on motivation.

Every project needs to have a clear finish and it needs to be quantifiable. That way when you reach the end you will be 100% sure the project is finished and you can start celebrating!

Celebrate The Finish

Every project must have a celebration at the finish. The celebration is the absolute final task in the project. Without a celebration the project is never actually finished.

The celebration should be fun and relaxing with a focus on enjoying the success of finishing a project. If it was a big project then make the celebration big too. This is why smart companies have launch parties when they release a new product - it is a tangible end to finish the project, it gives employees the opportunities to appreciate some recognition for their hard work, and it also promotes the business.

The same thing happens for any personal project you do. Just finished a big renovation? Host a party with your friends to celebrate! Been working long hours at home to start your business? Take the family out somewhere special when you finish. Whatever the project is it will need a celebration when it's finished. Enjoy it.

Looking Forward

Once you finish a project (don't forget the celebration) then it is an ideal time to use your recent experiences to look toward the future. Think about the good and bad of the last project, whether it was actually worth it, and identify what you will do better in the future. Don't spend too long at this stage though because you're next successful project is waiting for you.

Good luck!

Image: winnond

Start Being Awesome

Today I have a cold. I am sitting here in front of the computer feeling sick, wallowing in self pity, and watching the pile of used snotty tissues steadily building around me. Gross huh? But this little cold has also reminded me that sometimes it is too easy for us to get caught up in feeling sorry for ourselves and being negative. It is too easy to play the life isn't fair card and sook in the corner about what is going on.

Just because it's easy to do doesn't make it right to do it though.

I could sit here feeling sorry for myself and my runny nose. I could mope about and pretend as if somehow this cold is a sign of the world "picking on me" and I could whinge about it to everyone I see, telling them of how things just go against me.

Or I could take a lesson from How I met Your Mother character Barney Stinson:

Whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead.

That is the perfect example of how to use a positive attitude to turn a bad situation around. Being sick already sucks so why make it worse by being a negative nancy? It's a terrible waste of time and effort. Try being happy and positive instead. Try being awesome, even if you have to pretend at first.

This is exactly what Barney does in that same episode when asked if he is sick:

I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out.

I love it!

That is the exact opposite of what most people do when they are sick. Everyone likes to complain and feel sorry for themselves when they are sick but what does that really achieve? Is being a pain-in-the-arse, negative, so-and-so achieving anything other than annoying everyone else around you?

Positivity Breeds Positivity

This doesn't just apply to being sick either - it applies to EVERYTHING in our lives.

Ever noticed when you start having a "bad day" that things just seem to get worse? You might sleep through your alarm and miss your train, so you rush to work but then you realise you've got the wrong pants on and you left your wallet at home which makes you angry, and then while you're trying to think of an excuse to avoid that annoying meeting you've got later on you stub your toe outside and spill your coffee all over yourself. It makes you feel like screaming about how bad your day is.

I've got some bad news for you. You created that bad day. It is entirely your fault that you had such a bad day.

Many people will disagree and try to lay the blame somewhere else, but the reality is that any emotional judgment of your day is 100% in your control. You control how you see and interpret the world. If you train your brain to only see a set of negative experiences than that is exactly what you will see. You will only notice the bad stuff while all the good stuff just flies by unnoticed.

The flip side is that if you choose to start with a positive attitude, and start being awesome, then you will start having more of the good days. Those days where everything just feels right. Those days where you are happy, excited, and energetic. Those days where you cannot help but smile when something bad happens because everything else is just so damn good!

Eventually those bad things just wont happen as often. Your positive attitude will draw in more positive actions. You will attract people, situations, and events that mirror your attitude. Your life will be filled with so much positivity that those "bad" things will just be minuscule blemishes on an otherwise wonderful life.

You control your attitude. You determine whether you see things as good or bad, happy or sad, positive or negative. You have the power to make your life better by simply changing your attitude.

Start being awesome. Image: photostock

6 Month Site Stats

6 Months ago I started this website with the goal of writing high quality content that would challenge myself and my readers and encourage positive personal development. Overall I feel that I have been at least partially successful. I know for sure that I have grown significantly during this time (mentally, not physically...I've actually shrunk physically ;)) and I have received several positive comments an emails from readers which help to motivate me.

The 6 month milestone is huge for me because it means that this site has become an ingrained part of my life. It is my first real attempt at a blog-type website and there was always a possibility that I would not be able to maintain the time, effort, and focus needed to maintain this kind of site. Now that I am here I don't think I will ever stop.

Enough chat, it's time to satisfy my nerdy math side and look at the stats!

The Site Stats - Overall

These are the entire stats for the lifetime of the site. After I will include stats for the last 3 months and compare them to the first 3 months to see how the numbers have changed.

• Total Visits: 4183
• Unique Visitors: 3461
• Page Views: 7596
• Total Subscribers: 15
• Traffic Split: Search Engines = 64% , Referring Sites, =22% , Direct = 14%
• Most Viewed Article: Paleo Diet - 30 Day Review

Those stats are looking pretty good. I noticed a pretty good spike when I was blogging about the Paleo Lifestyle and that shows because even though my 30 day review of the Paleo Diet is only a few moths old it is my most read article.

I guess that means I should write more paleo articles.

The Site Stats - Last 3 Months

Here are the stats for just the last 3 months, compared to those of my first 3 month review. Things are looking good.

• Total Visits: 3513 (up 2862 or 439%)
• Unique Visitors: 2997 (up 2534 or 547%)
• Page Views: 5884 (up 4223 or 254%)
• Total Subscribers: 15 (up 14 or 1400%)
• Traffic Split: Search Engines = 68% (up 22%) , Referring Sites, =20% (down 13%) , Direct = 12% (down 9%)
• Most Viewed Article: Paleo Diet - 30 Day Review

I am pretty happy with that. Everything is moving in the right direction which is very motivating, and even though I have been so busy with my software development business and planning a wedding that I have not been able to write as much as I wanted I am still getting positive gains in my traffic.

The Future

So what is in store for the future? Hopefully the next time I am writing about my site stats I am delivering the same positive message of continued traffic growth! Traffic is king on the internet and is the key determinant of success for most sites. Fingers crossed mine keeps growing.

I still have many more articles to write so I don't fear running out of content anytime soon. In fact for every article I write it feels like I come up with another 3 ideas.

The biggest challenge will be my upcoming wedding and honeymoon. I don't want to disappear for a month right in the middle of my crucial site growing stage so I am going to be busily writing a few articles ahead of time that I can roll out while I am relaxing on my honeymoon without anyone noticing I am gone.

I've got some great ideas for that, including a long series of posts on relationships, so keep an eye out for that.

Stay tuned.

Why 16 Threads Is Not "Work"

A few times recently I have written about my goal to quit work and devote my time to things I actually enjoy. I have talked about how I plan to sustain this lifestyle through several income streams, one of which is my software development business - 16 Threads. Some people have contacted me saying that if I spend my time running my own business then I have not quit work at all, and that I am probably working even harder to get the business running. But I don't consider running my own company to be a job. It's not "work" as most people know it because we see things differently at 16 Threads.

Our Business, Our Choices

The majority of the 16 Threads business is self-driven. We do some work for clients (if we are interested in a project then we will take it on) but otherwise we spend our time following our passion and creating software that we want to use.

Our aim is for everyone to enjoy the work they do at 16 Threads. If someone has an idea, a pet project, or a vision then they are encouraged to follow that. Or if a project comes in but no-one is interested in it then we will happily pass on it.

Sure, like any business money is important, but we feel that the money will take care of itself because when people love what they do they produce high quality products, making them easier to sell.

Fun in the Sun

We're all about fun at 16 Threads. We have fun at work, we have fun with our clients, and we have fun amongst ourselves. We want everyday to be fun because we believe that work doesn't have always have to be serious (or seriously depressing).

We never let fun get in the way of a project but we make sure not to take ourselves too seriously. After all, life is supposed to be enjoyable and that includes work.

Flexibility

We measure performance on output not time. Measuring time is important for tracking how to improve (we're even building some software to help us with this) but the performance on an individual is not linked to the number of hours they spend at the office.

Everyone gets their work done but they do it at times that are best suited to their own lives. If someone prefers working at night they can. Or if we finish a project early we might find ourselves road-tripping to the beach (or pub) instead of sitting in front of our computers all day.

As long as the work gets done (and meets our very high standards) then we're flexible about all the other details.

Having fun and spending time with my close friends, whilst working on projects I love, that fit around my personal life…I don't think that sounds like "work" at all. :)

Not Happy? Change Something!

Today's message is simple. If, at any time, you feel unhappy then that is a sign that you need to change something. The change does not have to be huge. It can be the smallest possible change you can imagine, but when you are unhappy any change is better than none. If there is anything in your life that causes unhappiness, and you actually want to be happy (you do don't you?), then you need to make a change. Flip how you think about it, remove it from your life, ignore it, whatever! Just make a change. Make any change.

Likewise if something in your life is working well and making you happy then there is nothing for you to do. Don't worry about it, don't fret that the happiness may not last or wonder how it can go wrong. Just enjoy it and keep doing what you are doing.

Where you are in your life right now is the result of all your past actions. Happy or unhappy, positive or negative, fun or boring - these are all states that you have created through your own actions. And if you don't like one you can change it!

I even included a pretty diagram to illustrate the point…

So are you actually happy? If not then it's time to start making changes. Image: www.frkncngz.com

Something Had To Give

My apologies for the lack of activity on this site for the past week or so. Believe me when I say I was very disappointed for this to happen - I felt that I was getting into a groove, traffic was building, and my writing was improving with every post. Sadly though, I realised that I had too much on my plate (self inflicted) and that I needed to take a break from a few things. It saddened me that this site was one of the things that had to fall by the way side for a few weeks but it was a decision made on purely economic reasons.

Put simply, I had taken on too many projects and I needed to prioritise them. I chose to do this based on the expected reward:effort ratio each project provided.

Expected Reward vs Effort

I have mentioned before that this site is not exactly a good business proposition in terms of the amount of time and effort it requires and the financial return it brings in. The main purpose of this site is to help people, not make money, but when I am planning on quitting my job in 2012, money is an important issue.

Recently my software development company, 16 Threads, has been gaining momentum which is great news. We've already secured a contract to produce an iPad application for a local government department and we've got several other clients interested in our services,  as well as some in-house products in the works.

The future of 16 Threads is looking very positive, which is great because it is an integral part of how I plan to make money when I quit in 2012. But of course this increased work means that I have less time for my hobbies, like writing articles here. You win some, you lose some.

In reality this site has brought in less than $10 for an estimated 300 hours of effort. That's under 4c per hour.

On the other hand my work for 16 Threads is going to yield me a reward thousands of times higher for a similar level of effort. No contest.

In an ideal world I would love for the majority of my time to be spent working in the self help and personal development industry but until that becomes viable in terms of providing an income for me I will persist with it as just a hobby.

The Future

I don't foresee any drastic things over the next few months (apart from my wedding) that will prevent me from writing articles here so you will continue to see me posting useful articles. I'm not going to go away, but I might just have to scale back my efforts until things settle down.

The good news is that once I establish a few money earning sources for 2012 and quit my job then I will have a massive influx of time and I plan to spend a significant portion of that here, writing articles and helping people.

So stay with me…I've got plenty left to write. :)

What Is The Theme Song To Your Life?

Ever found yourself listening to music but spending more time skipping through your playlist than actually listening? I'm sure most people do it and it's pretty obvious why - we're searching for music that matches our mood. Nothing sinister there but I was doing this recently when it got me thinking about how closely music is linked to our lives and how much it influences us. In particular I was interested in the correlation between music and our mood, attitude and general outlook on life. If we search for certain songs because of our mood then can those same songs create that specific mood in us at other times?

I believe so and there are plenty of examples of research that backs this up. I'm not going to list any here because there really is a lot of it and you just need to do some active research if you're interested. I don't want to prejudice you by only picking research that suits me. ;)

After doing all this research it reminded me about a question I was asked a few years ago:

What is the theme song to your life?

It's a great question and it got me thinking again…What is my life theme song and what does it say about me? And how does it influence me, my decisions, and my life as a whole?

My Life Theme Song(s)

What would I say is the theme song to my life? That's a very tough question to answer. I'm not sure if I have just one theme song.

At any given time I may have a particular song which would suit as the theme for my life in that specific moment but this changes from day to day, and even from minute to minute.

Having a single theme song for your entire life doesn't make sense because your life will take many twists and turns and no one song can cater for them all. But you can certainly have a theme song (or a theme playlist) that defines where you are in your life right now.

I find it hard to even limit that to a single song, or even a handful of songs. There are many songs I like, and listen to regularly, that could easily be a theme song for my current situation in life. It's hard to pick specific ones but I do notice some similarities. They generally have most, if not all, of the following qualities:

• Funky, "happy" beat
• Clever lyrics/witty wordplay
• Positive message
• Make me smile

So what do these shared characteristics say about me?

What My Song Choice Says About Me

If you said that, based on my music choice, I am a happy, clever, positive person who likes to smile then you would be right but you could also have determined that from reading the articles on this site so don't go patting yourself on your back just yet.

It's completely true - I listen to happy, clever, positive, smile-inducing music because that is the kind of person I am - but I think that is oversimplifying it. I think my music choice also says a lot more about me and my life. It shows where I am, attitude wise, and how I am orienting myself for the future.

My current position in life is a positive one. In fact the only negative in my life is that I still have to work a full time job when I totally disagree with the concept of working for the majority of our lives. But everything else in my life is great! I have a wonderful woman who is crazy enough to agree to marry me, fantastic friends, a nice house, my own software development business, and a loyal dog that loves me (even if he goes to toilet where ever he bloody wants to). All in all it is pretty positive.

My orientation to the future is also quite positive. I have much to look forward to and am already preparing myself for more positive changes in my life. I am excited by the prospect of quitting my job and becoming fully self reliant which removes the only negative in my life. But I am also looking forward to getting married (and having the honeymoon), traveling, building my business up, and a number of other exciting projects that I have in the works.

So it is obvious that my current position and my orientation toward the future are outlined by my music choice. I am building a life that is happy, clever, positive, and fun (i.e. makes me smile all the time). I am focused on this attitude so it makes sense that my music choices support this. I believe that if I were listening to negative songs then I would be less likely to achieve my goals and more likely to turn into a sad, depressed, bumbling mess of a person.

But that is not the path for me. I love being positive and I love my positive music. I also love that these aspects seem to feed off each other. When I am having a negative day I can listen to some positive music and suddenly I am perked up again, or when I am feeling positive I can hear the positives and find joy in songs I would not have otherwise noticed.

I listen to happy and positive music and I am a happy and positive person. Coincidence? I don't think so. So what sort of music do you listen to?

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Exercise Induced Headaches (EIH) Update

A while back now I posted an article about Exercise Induced Headaches (EIH). I have been suffering from them on and off for a few years now, mainly triggered by some form of over-exertion, and have never been able to find out exactly why they happen. It's a pain in the neck, literally. Since that EIH article I have been experimenting with myself and my headaches to try to get a handle on them and when I noticed that that article was one of my most popular (in terms of page views) I realised that there are many others in the same boat as me - suffering these headaches with no clear explanation as to why. I started to write an update to share my experiences but time ran away from me and the article never was published.

Until yesterday when one of my readers, Travis, reminded me that others are still struggling with EIH. So it is time to update my findings on Exercise Induced Headaches (EIH) in the hope that it can help others.

My Headaches Are Gone

Firstly, I have not suffered EIH since writing that article and taking a break from the gym. I am back working hard at the gym now, and have been for months, but I think I have learned a bit about my headaches and their causes. I feel that my workouts are better (and harder) now than they ever were (and I am leaner, fitter, and in better shape too) but I never have that feeling that I am straining so much that my head may explode. I'd say that's a good thing.

Before I share my tips for beating those nasty Exercise Induced Headaches let me just be clear again - I am not a doctor and this is not advice per se but just lessons I learned from my experiences. Use your discretion when applying to your own situation.

Lessons Learned For Beating EIH

In that first EIH article I hypothesized several theories for the causes behind my exercise headaches, one of which was about poor technique at the gym. I was on the right track there but not nearly in enough detail. Here are some of lessons I have learned over the past few months with my self-experimentation for EIH.

Focus on using the right muscles

When busting out weights at the gym I have learned that it is much better to focus on feeling that good, deep, burning pain in the right muscles rather than getting an extra rep/set out or upping the weights used. I was pushing myself to hit limits that my body could not match and instead of failing gracefully I was compensating with the rest of my body. I was using other muscles and incorrect technique to push myself to go just that little bit further and the result was an excess of tension in all the wrong places - back, neck, and shoulders.

Creating tension in those areas simply leads to headaches, and when all that blood is pumping through your body during exercises those headaches can feel like an explosion.

I'm not saying that pushing to failure is bad but what is important is how you define that failure.

Failure means failure to complete an exercise with perfect technique

Read that heading again. That is what failure means. Performing an exercise is all about getting the technique right and it does not matter if it is your 1st or 50th rep. Perfect technique should be maintained at all times. As soon as you cannot perform the exercise with that perfect technique then you have reached failure. There is no point swing your back and throwing your shoulders into the mix just to get an extra rep if the technique is poor.

A small number of perfect technique reps beats any number of mediocre technique reps any day of the week.

Breathing is important

Obviously breathing is important but I found that when I was pushing myself hard to find that extra rep I was often holding my breath. This is bad for many reasons, but it is the less-obvious ones that I want to focus on for the purpose of exercise induced headaches.

Holding your breath during exercise is heavily linked to tensing your neck. When we hold our breath normally nothing much changes in our body. But when we are under physical stress various parts of our body tense up in order to help out - mainly the abdominals and the neck. This is the way our body is designed to help us find that a short burst of extra strength when we really need it (i.e. life or death situations) but at the gym we misuse it - we lengthen the time these areas stay tensed when we hold our breath and the result is often dizziness, nausea, and headaches.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Workout time is for working out only

I was big on taking my iPod to the gym, hitting shuffle, tuning out everyone else as I pushed through my gym routine. Bad idea. Tuning out is exactly the wrong thing to do when working out as you need to be entirely focused on the task at hand. If you are not focused then it is more than likely that you will a) not use the correct muscle groups b) not use perfect technique and c) not remember to breath.

You need to see your workouts as a time for concentration. A time to be zen-like. Feel the energy of the barbell resonate with you....ok maybe not quite so airy fairy but seriously, cutting down on distractions helps. When you are working out you should devote yourself to the exercise you are performing at that time. Nothing else matters. No listening to music, no chatting during a set, and no perving at the oily man-mountain deadlifting 500kg in the corner. It's just about you and the exercise.

Be Headache Free

Take a moment to consider your own efforts at the gym, or in whatever arena you tend to suffer your headaches, and see if you can identify the causes. Hopefully you can find something useful out of my experiences and put those headaches away for ever. Good luck!

Image: Ambro

How to Build Self Confidence - Daily Comfort Challenges

Developing self confidence is the cornerstone of positive personal development but it can often be the most confusing aspect. How do you build self confidence when if you are traveling down the personal development path then you are obviously not 100% happy with yourself? I believe that most people who are actively seeking personal development are not necessarily trying to change themselves per se, but they are trying rediscover their natural personality state. They are trying to find the version of themselves that is the most congruent with what they feel inside. This is actually a very hard thing to achieve because there is so much bullshit and bluster generated in our society that confuses the issue and this is why learning to build your own self confidence is so important.

Which is why I was excited by the fact that my recent article on using affirmations to build self confidence struck a chord with some readers and has already generated some good comments. It is great to see other people who recognise the significance of being able to build a positive self image. With that in mind I thought I would continue this trend and talk about another trick I use to main my elevated self confidence: daily comfort challenges.

Daily Comfort Challenges

The concept of the daily comfort challenge is to set yourself a personal challenge every day that pushes you outside your comfort zone. It should force you to confront your simple social fears, which are often unfounded, and do things you would never normally consider. The confidence you generate from pushing yourself like this is amazing.

I used to have a massive fear of failure when it came to talking to women, which of course manifested itself throughout my life, and I ended up afraid to talk to most women. Not exactly an ideal state for a 23 year old heterosexual man to be in. So when I started setting myself these daily comfort challenges I began small - I just had to say "Hi" to one random woman every day.

It sounds simple, and to be honest it was, but it gave me exactly what I needed. It forced me to confront my stupid fear and realise that talking to strangers was not hard. Nor scary. It was actually a whole lot fun. I ended up meeting some great people, having some fantastic conversations, and building up my confidence.

Enough rambling from me. Here are my top three comfort challenges that you can use to build your self confidence...

Comfort Challenge One: Talk to 5 Complete Strangers

Try starting conversations with several complete strangers every day. This is a great way to build confidence and hone your communication skills and the beauty is that it doesn't matter what you say because you will probably never see them again in your life.

Tips for talking to strangers:

• Start with people who get paid to be friendly (e.g. waiters, charity beggars etc)
• Talk to people forced into close quarter (e.g. elevators, trains, checkout lines)
• Keep it simple - you don't need to discuss the meaning of life with them, just say "hi"

Try it and see what kind of conversations you can generate. You never know, you may meet some very interesting people.

Comfort Challenge Two: Perform a Street Stunt

The street stunt is anything that is completely out of the ordinary and will cause most people to think you are crazy. Don't worry, it's really them that are crazy. ;)

Performing a street stunt takes little effort but it throws all current societal expectations out the window. Here are some good examples you can start with but don't be afraid to create your own:

• Dressing strangely (undies on the outside is always good)
• Lying down in the middle of the footpath
• Walking on your hands (I wish I could do this one)

The key to a good street stunt is to never acknowledge that anything strange occurred. When you are finished just go about your business as if nothing happened. If people comment or ask you about it just fob them off with a silly excuse like "Oh that? My doctor says I need to walk on my hands every hour to take the pressure off my feet".

Comfort Challenge Three: Get a Phone Number

This is taking the talking to strangers challenge to another level, and is also great for anyone struggling to connect with people of the opposite sex.

The challenge is simple - just get a phone number from someone you don't know. You don't have to like them, or actually want to call them, but you must find a stranger and get past the initial small talk stage to finish with their phone number. The phone number doesn't even have to be real, just get some numbers.

I only have one tip for getting a phone number - ask for it. Most people aren't expecting you to ask for their number and if you've had a small conversation beforehand you might be pleasantly surprised at just how willing they are to give out their digits. Or at least get rid of you by giving you a fake number.

If you still want a suggestion try something like this - "Hey I saw walking by and thought you looked amazing and I just had to come say hi…I've got something important I've got to get to right now but I'd love to catch up for a chat sometime...What's the best number to call you on?" Smooth right?

Confidence is the goal, nothing else matters

For all of the above challenges the specific actions taken and actual results are not what matters. The goal is to build your self confidence. It doesn't matter if you strike out 20 times on getting a phone number because the experience you get from it (and the realisation that only your own opinion of yourself matters) is worth much more than a single phone number will ever be.

There is no limit to what you can try with these personal challenges, but be sure to keep it all legal. I don't want to get a sudden influx of "I decided to run naked down the street and I got arrested" hate messages. Unless photos are included.

Get creative and set yourself some personal challenges that are fun but push your boundaries at the same time. Take a look at your life and figure out where you lack the most confidence and challenge yourself to get outside your comfort zone. You will be amazed at the impact it will have on your self confidence.

Image: Michal Marco