Practice Selflessness

Having been involved in planning a wedding for the better part of the last year I have seen many emotional, and sometimes dramatic, scenes involving the interaction of different people. Most of these have provided great food for thought and have given me an insight into the psychology of people and how they interact with others. One thing I noticed throughout this time is that most people don't know how to be selfless. People like to think they are (or at least that they can be) selfless but in reality this is far from true. I am not being overly critical here but just realising that being selfless, and putting others ahead of yourself is actually a very hard thing to do.

We are all individual beings and deep down we all are trying to do what is best for ourselves. In an evolutionary/survival frame of mind this makes a lot of sense but in our modern society where we exist as part of a large community group, and do not have direct competition for resources to survive, we need to be able to think about others. We need to practice selflessness.

I say practice because the skill of selflessness does not come naturally. Most people find selfishness much easier than selflessness. It's natural. But that doesn't mean it's always the best choice.

Selflessness

Most dictionaries will define selflessness something along the lines of:

The act of sacrificing personal interest for the good of others

Which basically means that you put other people's interest ahead of your own. That's a pretty neat idea in theory but not so easy to apply contextually. Being selfless is a very easy thing to say you do, but a very hard thing to actually do because it requires that you master yourself first.

Selflessness is About Mastering Yourself

Proper selflessness involves a great deal of self awareness, self control, and self confidence:

  • If you are not aware of your internal drivers and why you act the way you do then you will not achieve selflessness
  • If you are not in control of your own thoughts, actions, and words then you will not achieve selflessness
  • If you are not confident and happy with the person you are then you will not achieve selflessness.

To achieve selflessness you need to master yourself first. Sometimes the immediate happiness of someone else is more important than your own needs, sometimes you are not the most important person in the room, and sometimes people don't care about you or your opinion. Because some moments in life just require you to be there and be happy for others. Life isn't always just about you.

Why You Should Practice Selflessness

There are many good reasons for why you should practice selflessness in your daily life. The most obvious is what some people like to call karma, which is just another way of saying that like attracts like.

Selflessness is a good deed and good deeds are always returned in kind. When you sacrifice yourself others will notice. They will see your actions as loving, caring, and considerate and they will strive to return the favour. When you are having a bad day or struggling through a difficult moment in life these people will be there to help you because they know you would do the same for them. In fact they've already seen you do it and they will make sure you are never left to fight on your own.

But getting this good "return on your investment" is not the best thing about being selfless. The best possible outcome of selflessness is the one you feel inside yourself. There have been countless scientific studies and papers that focus on the internal effects of helping others. Every time this research concludes with the same result - we feel happier, more excited, and enjoy life more when we help others.

If that isn't enough to convince you then maybe this quote from Tony Robbins will be the icing on the cake:

Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment.

It's time to start being selfless. Today!

The Dreaded C-Word

There is one little word that is in such common use across english speaking countries that people seem to have forgotten the power it has over us. This word drips with negativity. It restricts us, suffocates us, and holds us back from achieving our goals. It is one of the worst words you can use in your life. I'm talking about the dreaded c-word. The word is "can't" (or cannot) and it is a disgusting word to use, especially in relation to yourself.

The Negative "Can't" (The positive can!)

The number one reason that using the dreaded c-word is bad for you is what it does to your brain. It shuts it off from even trying to help you.

If you say that you cannot do something then your brain will just agree with you and switch off. The brain is very powerful but ultimately flawed - if it thinks something has already been proven then it wont waste any effort on it and will move on, leaving you to feel assured that you really cannot do whatever you are talking about.

If an opportunity did present itself where you could possibly do whatever it is you've said you cannot, then guess what the brain does? It ignores it, or even worse it creates powerful negative emotions such as fear, anger, and stress to prevent you from even trying.

After all, the brain knows (because you told it) that you can't do it so it's in your best interest for it to prevent you from making a fool of yourself, right?

Sadly, this means that you miss out on all those awesome chances to do something new. You miss out on doing, and achieving, wonderful things simply because you (and your brain) gave up before you even started.

Solution: Replace "I can't..." with "How can I..."

The solution is simple. Get rid of "can't" from your vocabulary. Every time you catch yourself using this word stop and start the sentence again, this time replacing "I'can't..." with "How can I..." to turn it from a negatively limiting statement into a positively stimulating question.

Examples:

  • "I can't afford to buy a new TV" becomes "How can I afford to buy a new TV?"
  • "I can't get a girl/guy to like me" becomes "How can I get a girl/guy to like me?"
  • "I can't become supreme ruler of the universe" becomes "How can I become supreme ruler of the universe?"

I think you get the idea. Just reading those examples your brain should have "clicked" into gear and started thinking about the options. Ok, so maybe being supreme ruler of the universe isn't for everyone but I bet your brain started actually thinking about it before you could stop yourself.

That's the beauty of this simple trick. By asking your brain to focus on providing answers for how you can rather than providing examples of why you can't you will find yourself opening up to ideas and solutions that would have otherwise been automatically discarded.

Try it yourself. Next time you use the dreaded c-word stop and reframe that negative statement into a positive question. You might be surprised at the answers you get.

A Good Year Ahead (and a crazy year behind)

It was a crazy, hectic, and tiring last 6 months of 2011 but I feel like it was meant to happen that way. It saw some pretty significant positive changes in my life but also contained a few cycles of negativity that were quite testing. But, I've battled through and I'm back in 2012 ready for what seems like a good year ahead.

Last 6 Months

So what happened over the last 6 months? Why was I so absent on my own site? I'm glad you asked...

I got Married

Yes ladies I'm sorry to say that I am now officially off the market. In August, Sophie and I got married and it was a wonderful day. We loved every minute of it (even though it poured with rain) and it was amazing to be surrounded by all our family and friends when celebrating the occasion.

Of course an awesome wedding is not complete without an awesome honeymoon so we took off for several weeks and spent the time relaxing at by the pool/beach/bar at a Thailand resort. Money well spent and we came back feeling quite good.

I hated my Job

After such a happy and wonderful time with the wedding and honeymoon I came crashing back to reality when I went back to work and realised exactly how much I hated it. It was depressing and I quickly became very negative about it. Sadly I let this negativity infect other aspects of my life. Bad Zac!

Also as the year went on I realised that I wasn't going to achieve my goal of not needing a job for 2012. Realising that I had to continue working for a little while longer was saddening but at least it made me take action and change something...

I got a new Job

What's the next best thing to not having to work? Having an enjoyable job!

I was beginning to think that finding and enjoyable job might be liking trying to find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. A fun story but total rubbish.

But I'm happy to have been proven wrong. I've managed to land myself a job which is interesting, mentally challenging and stimulating, and is placed within a great team full of friendly people.

Of course that means I've spent the last few months learning lots of new things and working hard which has meant my other projects (including this site) have taken a back seat. But something had to give.

2012: The Year Ahead

So after a good break over the festive season I am back and raring to go in 2012. I have this buzz about life at the moment and I just feel like 2012 is going to be a very good (and very big) year for me. Here are some of the reasons why:

My Job

As I mentioned above, my job is a very positive part of my life right now. Not only is it a great job for me right now but it also has loads of potential for my future.

I've got a manager who is committed to helping me grow into more senior roles, I'm working in a boom industry, and I'm at the bleeding edge of implementing new tools and process. All up this year is going to provide a great platform for me to go places. And quickly.

My Trading/Betting

2011 saw a lot of my spare time dedicated to projects related to sports betting and trading. While I only made a small amount of money for the year I learned lots and I feel better off for the experience. I am hoping to draw on this over the next 12 months and increase my profit level significantly.

My Body

After several weeks of eating and drinking like a modern day human over the festive season I felt disgusting. And motivated. Motivated to get back onto Paleo - eating, drinking, and thinking live a caveman - and I'm already loving it! Of course, I already knew how good being paleo felt.

I've also diagnosed a weakness in my shoulder/back area that was causing tightness and also contributing to poor form (and thus undue soreness) in the gym. So I'm onto a rigorous daily routine of stretching and light exercises to increase my overall flexibility but also get some of my under-used muscles up to the required level.

By the time I'm finished with this I will be lean, flexible, strong, and pain-free. That makes me very happy!

My Wife

Last, but certainly not least, I am looking forward to spending some good positive time with my wife. We're focusing this year on doing more activities, experiencing new things, and going to see new places together.

We're committed to being aware of the other person (their thoughts and feelings in particular) and also ensuring that we demonstrate our love for each other often.

This is what I am looking forward to the most - a wonderful year with my wonderful wife!

I hope your 2012 is looking as good as mine.

A Longer Than Expected Break

I'm back. I've been back for a few weeks now, but my holiday was enlightening and thought-provoking so I've been taking a longer break from writing here while I collect my thoughts and determine what it is that I want from my life. Sounds deep hey?

Holiday-stimulated ideas

There is only so much relaxing one can do, and especially so for someone like me - someone with an active mind who is always seeking a new challenge. It turns out my relaxation amount was about 5-7 days of sleep-ins, buffet breakfasts, and cocktails by the pool.

In the second week of my holiday my brain kicked in again and I began contemplating where my life was going and what I wanted to be doing. As our brains will try to answer any question put to it I managed to come up with a lot of ideas.

Some of these ideas were brilliant, and some not so good. Some were easy to do, some much harder. And some were that crazy that they made me wonder if I may be from another planet.

I managed to short-list these ideas (and cull the ones that could have me locked up in mental asylum) to a refined list of possible projects that I can immediately begin work on. Here is that list, in no particular order:

  • Writing my novel (the same idea I've been refining for nearly 10 years now)
  • Releasing some cool iPhone/iPad games
  • Starting a sports analysis website
  • Selling myself as an expert management consultant
  • Writing an e-book based on this site

What to do?

I believe I will tackle most, if not all, of these ideas over the next 12 months. They represent the things I enjoy most, the things I excel at, and the things that have the potential for good financial return and thus allow me to achieve my lifestyle freedom goal and ultimately work on more of these kind of projects.

Wedding Time! Back in 4 Weeks

Apparently planning a wedding is way more time consuming than I thought it would be. As such I haven't really had much time to do anything for this site. And I don't foresee being able to contribute more whilst lounging on the beach on my honeymoon so I think it's best if I give my 4 weeks notice. I will be back, raring to go, and hopefully tanned in 4 weeks. In the mean time if you have any ideas or any specific topics you think I should write about then please email me.

Thanks and I will see you again in 4 weeks!