Dress for the job you want
It's hot.
The lady on the seat in front of me is fanning herself with a piece of paper because the air-conditioning unit on the bus is struggling to keep up with the heat and it's only 7am.
Read MoreData Security
Data security is kind of a big deal.
Trust me. Not only do I whittle away the best hours of the best days of the best years of my life as a data analyst within a state government department but I am also officially trained as a federal government counter intelligence officer.
Read MoreGuy
Let me tell you about 'Guy'.
His name is not actually Guy. At least, I don't know if that is his name. You see I don't know what his name is so in my head I nicknamed him Guy. I initially called him 'Friendly Asian Guy' but the departmental habit of shortening everything to acronyms is pervasive and I soon realised my mistake.
Read MoreFire Drill
Greg stalked around the corner, back from his meeting, looking every bit a man ready for action. I watched as he strode past my desk without a second glance. His normal jovial demeanour was gone, replaced with a pursed mouth lurking under his greying ginger beard.
Read MoreOne-on-One Combat
Thrust, parry. Thrust, parry. Thrust, parry.
We retreat to our safe spaces and eye each other warily. My opponent is dangerous and obviously well trained in the nuances of one-on-one combat. They have the slight positional upper hand but so far they have not launched an all out attack. They have been happy to remain safely out of my reach taking sporadic pot shots in order to test my defence.
Read MoreThe Devil's in the Detail (Part One)
I have always considered myself a nice guy and yes I know that, according to any number of pop culture references, nice guys finish last. So what? What does that actually mean? Last in what?
Read MoreThe Waitress
Why doesn’t she remember me? I eat breakfast here at least three days a week, sitting at the same table, ordering from the same girl and yet she does not even show a hint of recognition. I am beginning to think that my playful banter is less charming than I give myself credit for.
Read MoreLove at First Sight
I'm not one for all that love at first sight bullshit but this was different.
My gaze fell up on her from across the room and my heart beat spiked instantly. She was gorgeous - a wonderful full-bodied specimen dressed in white, with only a glimpse of her caramel skin shining through, and curves in all the right places.
Read MoreSaturday Night
Saturday night. The party night. The pinnacle of the weekend. The time when everything feels great. That moment in which work can be completely forgotten about - far enough removed from Friday afternoon and yet not close enough to Monday to warrant worrying about work. Saturday night is that wonderful time when a few casual drinks with friends turns into a crazy party that somehow results in long and outrageous sex with a beautiful woman you only just met at the bar.
Read MoreLabour Day
I crested the hill in my SUV and flew down the other side, briefly losing control with the unexpected bounce and subsequent swerve. Ignoring my skipped heart beat I rammed my foot down on the pedal and the engine revved loudly in reluctance before relenting to raise the speedometer dial at a disappointing rate.
Read MoreJerry's Last Day
It’s Friday, the day after The Bad News, and you arrive to work a little bit early, naively hoping that everything will be alright today.
'Jerry’s in.' Matt says with a heaviness in his voice that tells you much more than words could ever do.
Read MoreMVP: Minimal Viable Performance
He must have been on one of those government-funded training courses about agile project management where all the public servants aspiring for senior leadership go to schmooze and escape work for a few days. Sometimes they actually learn things. Normally just enough to be dangerous.
Read MorePizza, beers, and tears
She started crying, right there in the local pizza restaurant and I didn't know what the fuck to do. I hadn't been mean or offensive. I hadn't lied or deceived her. I just told her the truth. The truth she very obviously did not like hearing.
Read MoreHeadphones of Social Immunity
Darkness had fallen early tonight, as though a great force of evil was slowly encroaching upon the day, consuming the last remaining rays of sun like a gluttonous monster before plunging the world in to a thick blackness.
Jack, a young wizard, was bent over his forest campfire busily preparing a summoning spell of protective wards. The fire was an unfortunate requirement for the spell but Jack was all too aware of how it was like a beacon, attracting the attention of whatever evils were lurking out there in the darkened forest.
Read MoreThe Transition Team
Don't let the name fool you. The Transition Team is where people go to die.
Metaphorically speaking at least. They don't actually kill them. That would be against the departmental code of conduct.
Read MoreThe need for moderation
The bus eased in to the station and I bolted out the door, forgetting to touch my card to cancel my trip but I had more important things on my mind than losing $10.
I was about to lose my lunch all over the bus stop floor. And walls.
Read MoreThe problem with big numbers
"The site has been down for over an hour now. No new applications are coming through. What the fuck is happening over there with you ass clowns?"
Good question. Although I would have preferred a more civilised and collaborative approach to the problem at hand.
Read MoreBiting the Bullet
It is now three years to the day since I became "Jack Brumby, Data Analyst", my new secret identity in the world of espionage. Three years and I am slowly going insane. As part of my experience I'm going to document my life right here on this site. A digital fuck-you to those bureaucrats running the merry shit-show that is the misnamed 'government intelligence'.
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